Monthly Archives: May 2009

Great Books for Second Grade In Your Waldorf- Inspired Homeschool

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Here are some suggestions for Waldorf Second Grade read-alouds:

From “The Waldorf Student Reading List”:  (and do get the book so you can read the complete list, I picked and  wrote here out of what resonated with me!)

Aesop’s Fables (LEAVE THE MORAL OUT AT THE END) – These are usually done in a main lesson block, so I would NOT consider these bedtime reading or anything!  Maybe these really shouldn’t be on this list, as they are usually told, not read……I will write a post on Fable Main Lesson Block soon!

Thornton Burgess Nature Stories – all of them and there are many!

“King Of Ireland’s Son” – again, if you are not doing this as a Main Lesson Block

Susan Cooper’s “The Selkie Girl” – a picture book, but definitely with second-grade content

Tomie De Paola – Clown of God, Big Anthony, Stregna Nona, etc.

“Wind In the Willows” – a classic!

George MacDonald’s “The Light Princess”, “The Princess and the Goblin”, “The Princess and Curdie”

Any of Gerald McDermott’s Trickster Tale kind of picture books

Arthur Ransome’s “Old Peter’s Russian Tales”

“Winnie the Pooh” if you have not read those stories yet

Jakob Streit’s “Animal Stories” (available through Waldorf booksellers)

Isabel Wyatt’s “The Book of Fairy Princes”

Some suggestions from Donna Simmons in her works:

Barefoot Book of Pirates

Ballet Shoes – N. Streatfield (there is a whole series available)

“John Henry” as illustrated by  Julius Lester and also “The Adventures of Bre’r Rabbit” also illustrated by Julius Lester

King Arthur by Roger Lancelyn Green

Robin Hood also by Roger Lancelyn Green

Donna has a bookstore on Amazon where you can see titles for second grade here:  http://astore.amazon.com/christopherus-20

Some Suggestions from Carrie:

Little House on the Prairie, but do save “Farmer Boy” for third grade!!

The Moomintroll Series

Any sort of Jataka tales if you are not doing these for a Main Lesson Block

Any of the appropriate stories from “Hear the Voice of the Griot!” by Betty Staley and available through Waldorf booksellers.    A great resource for all grades; see the review on this blog!

Any sort of American Tall Tale or Native American trickster tales

Mungo, which is a story of a Saint found through Waldorf booksellers.  I have not read it myself but I have heard from others that this would be appropriate for Grade Two.  (Update I do not agree with this for grade two. I would put it much, much  later – it has complex themes, including a rape).

The German classic now in English, “Peter and Anneli’s Journey to the Moon” available through Bob and Nancy’s Bookshop www.waldorfbooks.com

Peaceful and happy reading together,

Carrie

The Mini- Rant: What Are We Doing?

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My sister-in-law recently moved into a new house, and apparently the couple that used to live there had a subscription to a mainstream parenting magazine.  My sister-in-law passed it on to me since I have children and she doesn’t.  However, this magazine just floored me.

Almost every article in the magazine was tailored toward getting the preschool-aged child to be independent.  Separation anxiety?  They will get over it at summer camp!  Still sleeping in your bed?  Move them out, and here is how and they may cry, but that’s okay!  You will have your own bed back!  Here is how to help your child cope while they are apart and away from you when they are three or four!  You can make this work, everyone is doing it!

I was horrified.

This is what we are doing to children in our society??   Taking these TINY preschoolers, shoving them off into day-long commitments of daycare, preschool, lessons, like they are just smaller adults and should be able to handle all this?  Start early and fill them up to the brim like a bucket!  Shove their heads full of intellectual facts through every paper and pencil means possible but don’t think they need to experience anything hands-on first!  Make them independent because they have to learn how to do that now!

What a load of complete and utter rubbish.

Children under the age of 7 and even under the age of 9 are not ready to be “separate” from you.  They start separating from you, start thinking they are less of one unity with the rock on the ground and the birds in the sky beginning only around age 9 (unless someone has just intellectualized the devil out of them).  What about the innate beauty and wonder of what is INSIDE the child, the things the child brings with them to this Earth, what about the beauty of the child unfolding in their own timetable of maturity?

If I hear one more adult tell me how reasonable and mature their six and seven year is, or even their four or five year is,  I am going to just lose it.   They shouldn’t have to be any of those things, and yes, sometimes the circumstances of life forces things we would wish otherwise, but  the consequences of adults imposing adult-like patterns of thinking and being in the small child does have life-long consequences and does deserve consideration. 

Your children are still small, and yes, they are dependent upon YOU.  Younger ones are not only dependent upon you for their physical needs, but for their emotional needs and intimacy, but your older children are STILL dependent upon you for protection from themselves, for emotional intimacy and for guidance and  for learning for how to function in our society! 

A seven and eight year old will want to do EVERYTHING under the sun, and it is your job to help decipher what they can handle – and what they can’t!  Just because they ask you a million questions it does not mean you have to answer every question in a complete and detailed and serious nature – they may just as happy with a short answer, with a “I wonder”, with a “I had a lot of questions about that when I was your age as well!  When you are a little bit bigger we will talk about that, you and I!  Right now let’s go outside TOGETHER and look for ripened strawberries in the garden!”

That is the rub – children are many times into all these lessons, school, dry facts, long days, long explanations – because NO ALTERNATIVE has been presented by the parents.  And the parents say – well, they enjoy it!  They want to do it!  Yes, because they want to please YOU.  They ask a million questions because you answer them and give them ATTENTION for it.  Pay attention to your child, give them warmth and spend massive amounts of TIME with them – but don’t  confuse trying to fill up these basic needs of time, warmth, silence together, reverence and wonder, attention – with separation, pushing for independence at such a young age when THEY are dependent, and the need for attention that could be filled in more age-appropriate ways.

In this day and age, what a parenting magazine should be doing is supporting parents in the most challenging job they will ever have – being a mother or father.  And they should set the bar high by letting parents know what is developmentally NORMAL, what really is realistic and really what is best for children of different ages – not just the things that parents WISH were true so they could just “stuff” the kids somewhere into their already too-busy, overscheduled life.

I personally wanted to send a copy of Gordon Neufeld’s “Hold On To Your Kids” to the magazine’s editorial staff so they could read it.

Carrie

“Discipline Without Distress”: Chapter One

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This book by author Judy Arnall  is fairly new, published in 2007, and is a great read for those of you new to guiding your child in a gentle way, and also for those of you who are experienced with gentle discipline techniques.  I will be going through this book chapter by chapter on this blog, so I hope you get your own copy and follow along!

This book is based upon the following five cornerstones:  (from the Preface)

1. Teach, not hurt.

2.  Stay with your “no” and honor your word

3.  Look for the feeling or need (NOF) behind the behavior.

4.   Separate your anger from your discipline.

5.  Be the person you want them to be.

Chapter One is entitled, “The Purpose of Discipline:  Teach, not hurt.”  The author outlines the way life has changed since we all grew up in the 60s, 70s and 80s and why some of the “old” discipline techniques do not have the same impact today.  She talks about the importance about building connections with our children as children these days are often separate from the family and have ready access to technology and other things that can be difficult for parents to police.  She also points out that in general spanking is a less-accepted tool socially and we need things to replace this!  She talks about how children need parents who will help them solve their problems, not punish them.

(Carrie’s Note:  As homeschoolers, we may feel this does not apply to us as much because we are generally with our children, but I feel these are still  important concepts for all families today in an age where the extended family no longer seems to exist.    You may also be wondering from a Waldorf perspective how “solving their problems” applies to Waldorf children under the age of 14 or so – when more logical reasoning comes in- and I say hang in there with me and I will show you how this can be a helpful framework for you, the parent to work from, even if you do not use all the words with your child!  Read on!)

The author talks about the six things children needs for connected parenting:

Time (Quantity time, not necessarily quality time)

Attention

Guidance in a positive way

Kindness – I have a whole post on my blog about this important subject here:https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/03/kindness-in-your-home/ 

Listening

Self Care for Parents – which I have also talked about here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/06/making-yourself-a-priority-in-the-parenting-equation/

The author talks extensively about why we should give up punishments, and how punishments do not work to deter “bad” behavior.  I will not review all those points here, you will find this on pages 15-18.

She talks about the goals of discipline (remember my view of discipline as Authentic Leadership!https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/16/gentle-discipline-as-authentic-leadership/  and also here https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/10/20/getting-past-fear/  )- to teach the child to build life-long character building skills, such as responsibility, empathy , problem-solving and self-control; to protect the child; to instill our parental values (do you know what these are?  If not, consider looking at this post here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/08/creating-a-family-mission-statement/) and to teach the child how to become a healthy, productive adult in society.

She talks about the role of the parent – all you jellyfish out there, listen up!!- as being a protector, a source of knowledge and experience in a democratic parenting style, an influence, a detective,  a structure provider (yes, my little jellyfish I know you are wincing now!), and a limit and rule making facilitator and negotiator.  Parents are also the provider of needs – not just physical needs, but for the emotional needs of children for warmth, and security.  Waldorf parents I feel really excel in this area!  Parents are also nurturers.

More about Chapter One in a bit,

Carrie

The Early Bedtime

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(This is a good post on bedtime as well:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/18/peaceful-bedtime-dreams/)

Many children seem to stay up as late as their parents stay up, and for some families this does seem to work well.  However, today I am asking you to consider an alternative:  the early bedtime. 

The early bedtime will change how you are with your family the next day, because you will have time to be an adult and to rest and recharge and find something of yourself.   Some mothers I know cannot believe there will ever be an end to their mothering, and don’t seem to realize (or have time!) for those dreams and the things they once had that were all their own, but I am going to suggest to you to really look inside yourself and see what is there.  Personally, there is nothing I enjoy more than being with my family and creating a home, but I also have things of my own that truly do not involve my children. Nighttime can be a time to work on those sorts of things!  This is important, because while being a mother is a very wonderful and important role to play, it is not the whole of who you are!

The early bedtime will also change the dynamics between you and your husband because you can be adults, you can talk and finish sentences, you can dream and plan together:   in other words you can create intimacy in your own home without small ears about! I see too many attached mothers replacing their intimate relationship with their husband with the relationship with their children. Children need to see a strong, functioning marriage in our society today.  I have a dear friend who says, “In 20 years your children may be gone and out of your house and you and your husband will be looking at each other.  Practice for that day.”  A very wise woman indeed.

As children grow, it is necessary to have a more boundaries as to what is heard and discussed in front of them.  A small child does not need to be privy to every adult matter going on in the household, and an early bedtime can provide you and your spouse a time to work on the more challenging issues without putting these adult burdens on our small children.  If you need help in this area, please do see this post:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/31/the-need-to-know/

Many mothers say that it can be difficult in the baby and early toddler years for co-sleeping children to fall asleep on their own without them falling asleep as well :). I myself have been there and done that,  but I can also assure you there are many, many attached families who have moved children into their own beds by the age of 3 – at least to start for part of the night there!  Co-sleeping can move into a place where it takes place for part of the night, a few nights during the week; however you want to work out the parameters that work for your family.

The hard part for many families is getting the earlier bedtime down.  This involves many times saying NO to things that happen too late in the evening.  It could also involve shortening your bedtime routine in order to make sleep the priority, as opposed to having a long and drawn out routine where perhaps the steps of the routine are the priority.

In our house, we often have dinner by 5:30,  we put the house to bed (all lights dimmed or off, the shades drawn, certainly no TV or radio or anything like that on – we do sing the house a lullaby together at times), we take baths or showers every other night unless we are covered with garden mud :), and the children are in bed with stories around 6:30 or 6:45.    A seven o-clock bedtime works well for children smaller than age 7, with a seven-year-old being able to stay up and perhaps read until 7:30, an eight year old could stay up until 7:45, etc., essentially moving up 15 minutes each year until they hit the bedtime of 9:00 where the bedtime would stay for quite awhile.

One book that helped me early on is this one:  http://www.amazon.com/OClock-Bedtime-Early-healthy-playful/dp/0060988894 :   “The 7-o’ clock Bedtime: Early to bed, early to rise, makes a child healthy, playful and wise”   by Inda Schaenen.  She outlines many of the things we do as a society to over-stimulate children and not let them be children, and goes on to discuss ways to actually achieve an earlier bedtime.  Some of her nursing references may  not sit completely well with those of you who follow this blog and are attached parents, but I think there is still so much usable information in this book.  All the copies on Amazon are used and starting at only a few dollars, so there really is no excuse to NOT get this book and read it!

Change your child’s bedtime, change your life!

Carrie

Waldorf Third Grade and Old Testament Stories

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So many people get hung up with the Saint Stories in the second grade, and then many people get hung up with Old Testament Stories of the Third Grade.

The Old Testament Stories of the  Waldorf Third Grade are not told as a “religious” main lesson block.

For a good post on this subject, please see Donna Simmons’ blog here:

http://christopherushomeschool.typepad.com/blog/2007/11/old-testament-s.html

Perhaps it will illuminate an anthroposophical approach to these studies of the Third Grade and set your heart at ease.  These stories are important for children in the throes of the nine-year- change, and I hope you will take the time to meditate on what Donna Simmons has to say about this  and figure out how to bring these stories to your children baggage-free!

Peace,

Carrie

Homeschooling Siblings With Waldorf

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Yes, I am back thinking more about siblings.  I wrote a pretty popular post about the balance that has to occur with Waldorf homeschooling of siblings, and some of the things particular to Waldorf homeschooling here:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/05/homeschooling-multiple-children-with-waldorf/

The thing to really think long and hard about is this:  If your children were going to school, where everything is divided by neat age ranges into grades, your children would spend no time together at all.  The peer group of your child instantly becomes more important than the relationship between siblings.  Older children enrolled in school seem to be indoctrinated into the attitude, (at least in many of the unfortunate cases I have seen), that “we don’t hang around with the babies!’ kind of thing as opposed to the approach that older ones should be the safe keepers and guardians and helpmates to the smaller children.

You have a wonderful opportunity to do this at home!   In the days where you feel as if your older one is being shortchanged by having smaller ones in the picture who keep eating all your supplies and getting into your older ones’ projects, or on the days when you feel your younger ones are being shortchanged because they are tied into the older ones’ schedules and you are not doing the same things with the younger ones that you did with the older ones when they were that age…..well, just take a breath.

Realize that the relationship you are cultivating and nurturing between the siblings is probably one of the most important things, if not the most important thing, your child will take away from his or her homeschooling experience.

We work hard to balance the needs of ALL the members of our family, but we also rest in knowing that our family bonds are strengthened by the sheer amount of quantity time we spend together day in and day out.  This is something probably only other homeschoolers understand. 

So have peace and rest in knowing this ,

Carrie

“Raising A Daughter”

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For those of you who have read Jeanne Elium and Don Elium’s fabulous book, you may be interested in Jeanne Elium’s website and/or consulting service regarding parenting issues as found here:

http://www.jeanneelium.com/index.html

Thanks Jeanne for popping in on this blog!

Carrie

The Battlefield of The Mind: Anger and Parenting

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If we create a battlefield in our mind against our children, then all is lost.  By battlefield, I mean the minute we begin thinking, “My child is doing this on purpose!”  “My child is out to get me and make me miserable!”  “My child knew what they were doing and planned this!”  “My child is just wanting to push each and every one of the buttons I have!”   Keep reading to find out the implications of what I mean by that!

Mamas, I have been there and done that and I would like to share something with you that I have learned:  If we create a us versus them mentality in our mind and in our attitude before we even open our mouths, then we have lost.

We have lost the opportunity to warmly hold the space for our children, we have lost the moment to guide in peaceful energy the behavior we would like our child to show, we have lost the connection between us and our child.

For those of you who follow this blog who believe that childhood development unfolds according to seven-year cycles, the things we think in the moment of anger are then not even logical according to this framework!  To a Waldorf parent, a child under the age of 7 does not view themselves as even separate yet; they cannot at this point “do” something to “you”  because that separation from you does not yet exist.  To a Waldorf parent, a child under the age of 7 is truly not logical, does not pre-meditate and pre-plan.  Yes, they do test boundaries.  But it is most likely more spur of the moment rather than pre-planned!

For those of you who follow this blog who are attachment parenting, to you I would say that one of the foundations of loving guidance is putting respect and empathy at the core of your parenting.  Look at the situation and your child’s needs through  your more experienced life lenses ( and no, you do not have to use words to ASK them all this!  You are the wonderful, smart, intelligent adult who can figure this out without asking them!)  What did they need in that moment where they were doing something different than what you expected or wanted?  Did they need food, a break, something to do, guidance as to what was acceptable in the house or not, your attention, sleep?

And most  importantly, once this occurs and we are feeling angry, can we step back and find our needs underneath the anger?  Why are we so darned angry anyway?  Maybe we need respect, peace, quiet, a chance to sit down?

Can you take a breath and change the scenery?  Can the child make restitution, make a “healing action” to make the situation right again after everyone has calmed down?  Restitution is a very important part of parenting.  It shows the child that we all can make mistakes, but it is what we do with the mistake that is most important.

Most of all, no guilt trips on the child.  They don’t understand the extent of the emotions you are feeling, they really don’t understand all the words you are using, and all they feel is your anger.  Less words, more breathing, more warmth, more action toward the positive.

For you to meditate on is this concept of POSITIVE INTENT.  What could possibly be the positive intent behind this situation, behind this interaction?  Can I see it this way?

Because if you continue to play out the battlefield in your mind, the last person standing will be you with all the children around you out of the connection in the game.

Enjoy your children, find the joy.  You can do this!

Love,

Carrie

Waldorf Guilt

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So many times when we find a new way of doing things in our homes and in our lives, we look back at what we were doing in the past  and say, “Wow!  I can’t believe that I thought that was the right way to do things!  I can’t believe that is how we did things in our house and in our homeschool and in our lives!”  We feel guilty that we didn’t do the things then that we are doing now.  Many times we especially feel guilty about the path we walked with our older children and how we feel our younger children are getting a benefit the older ones never had.  How do we go back?

We cannot reverse time.  You were just as good a mother then as you are  now, it is just now you have different information and a different framework with which to base decisions on.   You may now have a different way of looking at the grades and at childhood now, and that is okay. 

Instead of ravaging yourself with guilt, which truly doesn’t help any household to be more peaceful, try to congratulate yourself on the steps you are taking today to bring your household into more peace, more joy and more love.  You may find yourself living with more order, but also more FUN!  (Which many people think must be a contradiction in terms before they come to Waldorf!)

Look at your baby steps and how far you have come.  See this post for help:  https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/13/baby-steps-to-waldorf-rhythm/

If you find you are getting swallowed up by Waldorf and the need for “Waldorf perfection” try this extremely popular post: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/12/hopeless-with-waldorf/

Most of all, enjoy this journey, this precious time with your family and your children. You cannot get this time back, and look at what a wonderful job you are doing moving forward!

Be proud of who you are, how far you have come, love yourself and your family.

Much love to you and yours,

Carrie

Fathers and Daughters: Part Two

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In our last post we looked at the role of daughters who are ages birth through 7.  Today let’s look at further ages!

Age 8-14

  • Dads are VERY important during this time to many girls, so hopefully the foundation for a close father-daughter relationship was laid during the first seven years.
  • Daughters really want to be with their fathers and have his undivided attention.  They can be very interested in Dad’s work and what hobbies he enjoys.
  • They also want to be able to be authentic around their fathers, and to not have to be always happy or never  be angry around their fathers.  Emotional availability is important to girls.
  • Daughters need the genuine praise and love of  their fathers.
  • They need dad to help them follow through on family rules (and the rules need to be reasonable and clear).
  • They want to be included in their father’s world and do things with their father.
  • The practical management of money is one area where  many fathers take over the teaching with good results.  Another area may be sports, whether this may be team sports or individual sports.  I know families where dad coaches the team sport, and I know families where the whole family takes karate together.  It is not that mothers cannot teach their children in these areas, but these are areas where I have seen other families have success with spending time and guiding their daughters, and areas mentioned that dads may have success in the book, “Raising A Daughter.”
  • Dads really can impact how girls transition into adolescence.  A great time for Daddy-Daughter dates if that has not already been happening!
  • Dads usually are also great people to start teaching a 10 or 12 year old and up how to set goals and plan strategy!  Again, not that mothers cannot, but this may be an area where dads really excel!

Ages 14-21

  • In the book “Raising A Daughter”, by Jeanne Elium and Don Elium, they write, “The worst mistake for a father to make at this time in his daughter’s life is to withdraw himself from her, because he does not know how to deal with his own response to her developing sexuality.  Daughters need reassurance from the first man in their lives that these changes they are undergoing are okay, that their father still loves them.”
  • Emotional availability is very important to girls of this age.
  • Fathers can be a big support during this age for setting clear limits.
  • Fathers help teach girls of this age what to expect from a boyfriend or a future husband.
  • Dads need to understand that this an age when the intellect is growing, that the teenager notices the “unfairness” of things and is critically questioning and searching for answers to her questions.
  • Girls may separate less from their parents and families than boys and attempt to make their relationships more authentic, deeper.  They long for connection.  There is more about this important difference between boys and girl adolescents on page 342 of “Raising A Daughter.”
  • A best friend is very important during this time!  I am sure many of us remember this from our own adolescence, and I still see it in the teenaged girls around me.  I recommend from a homeschooling perspective that you work hard to find activities and friends for your daughter during the age range of 8-12 because  it can be difficult for homeschooled teenagers to connect to others during the high school years – some homeschooled children go on to not homeschool during these years, the activities are fewer and involve a broader age range usually (ie, adults may be included in community classes, etc.).  It can be more challenging, so something to think about and plot a course, because it will become important thing for your daughter as she matures and grows.
  • Help your teenager find balance between intellect and physical.
  • Enforce the family – as homeschoolers we typically do not have a problem with this, but other families may so it is worth mentioning. It is okay to take a family vacation and not bring along your child’s friends.
  • Hook your daughter up with mentors in career fields she is interested in, or even with other adult women that you trust and know for things such as gardening, baking, etc.
  • Encourage all work toward an achievement.  That is important to recognize the process, not just the result!
  • This is a time to talk and negotiate (and if you are doing this in the younger years, you are putting the cart before the horse! Please stop!)  Discuss in private away from friends, younger siblings.  This is important to an adolescent!
  • Dad really needs to be open emotionally to his daughter and involved in his daughter’s life.  He also needs a fulfilling relationship with his spouse or partner to really model this for his daughter. Work on your relationship together!
  • Help your teenaged get involved in volunteering, whether that it through a place of religious worship, in your neighborhood, or through a service organization.
  • Watch your daughter carefully for the plagues of the modern teenaged years – eating disorders, sexual abuse by a boyfriend or others, suicide, cutting and get help from professionals as your daughter needs it.

Hope this list was helpful, not only to dads, but to all of you.  I highly recommend Jeanne Elium and Don Elium’s, “Raising A Daughter.”  This book is highly compatible with both attachment parenting and Waldorf perspectives, and will truly make you think.  It is well-worth the money, and you can also try your local library and see if it is there.

Peace,

Carrie