Daily Archives: December 20, 2008

How to Handle Potty Talk In Small Children

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I have had several moms ask me lately how to handle potty talk and/or repeated belching  that sometimes accompanies rough playing or just takes over any creative playing. This post is specifically addressed for both a child under 7 and a child over 7.  So, without further ado, here are a few thoughts in no particular order.  Please take what resonates with you and your family.  These thoughts come from a Waldorf perspective, but would also fit in well with parents who are practicing gentle discipline.

1. Penis talk and potty talk belongs in the bathroom, so when it starts just calmly take the children by the hand and walk them to the bathroom and tell them this is the room where those words belong and to come out when they are done.  The same really goes for the repeated belching that some children think is funny.

2.   When penis and potty talk abounds, another tactic might be to just  the change the scene – start singing a song, get out a book and start reading aloud, start building a block tower and they will run to join you.  Then at bedtime, address this with your child who is over seven year that those actions belong in the bathroom and he is a model for his younger sibling.  Don’t over-talk it, over-explain it, guilt your child.  You can just say, “I know your mouth forgot what it was doing, but those words belong in the bathroom.”  

3. If the belching and penis talk is just because the children are ramped up and running around with all kinds of energy, bring them their shoes and coats and tell them to go outside or take them from a walk.  Also, I think it is easy to stay in more now that the weather is a bit colder and we forget these are the same children that are running around or swimming for five hours a day in the summer.  That physical energy is still there!  A mini-trampoline for inside can be a lifesaver as can building forts out of cushions and pillows.

4. Keep surrounding them with peaceful energy, but do address the behavior calmly and guide it.

5. The other thought is how does your husband feel this should be addressed?  Does he address it if the children do it when he is around?  It may mean more coming from him, an adult male,  as well to talk about this and manners in front of other people, especially Mommies that we need to show respect for.  Everyone in the family should be treated with respect and dignity.

I also would look to things and activities that would involve a strong, nice male authority if you can find that in your community.

6.  This is kind of a technique from my pediatric physical therapy days, but sometimes just walking up to them in the  height of this kind of talk or play and placing your hand on their shoulder seems to ground them and shift the energy.

8. Sometimes you can just say, “You  may find something else to do.”   Take the little one with you into the kitchen to peel something and before you know it, the energy has shifted and off they go to some kind of meaningful play.

9. My last thought was maybe they need you to go through their toys and re-arrange or rotate out toys and put ones out they have not seen in awhile.  Sometimes that alone is enough to get them out of a rut where they do not know what to play and end up with penis talk, belching, etc.

10. If this is occurring around the holidays and you feel they are just really over-stimulated and having a hard time figuring out what to do without escalating out of control, really try to stick to some kind of rhythm and really involve them in your work while they recover.

11. Consider warmth – warming foods, candle light, soups and stews and teas with honey, warm baths, foot baths….warmth is so calming when you feel like spiraling out of control.

Part of living in a family means setting loving boundaries that everyone can live with and feel comfortable with.

Four and six years old can definitely be a height of bathroom humor, etc.  If you have a younger child, is the younger child  typically the one starting it?  I guess if this was being started  by the younger child, I would have some kind of rhythmical activity at the ready.  “I need your help to card all this wool.” (Wind this ball of yarn, grate this carrot, sift this flour, knead this bread, whatever). 

With repeated belching, imitation is also important so perhaps the first time the child  belched I might say, “Oh, excuse you.” And if he did it repeatedly  then I would just take him by the hand to the bathroom or I would get him involved in something right next to me.   The good thing about a four year old is hopefully the child  is distractible with fantasy and movement so even just saying to the child, “Wow, that was a big burp horsie” and involving him in  a big story/play about being a horse from that point may move the child onto other things. 

If this sort of play or talk  is happening during the time the children are supposed to be free  playing, I would take it as a sign they need help and guidance in finding something to do, and would either set up a play scene before they are to play,  or work on setting one up the night before so they can find it when they wake up, or seriously go toward taking them outside.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

The Seven to Fourteen Year Old

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There is a time to treat children one way in Waldorf, and there is a time to adjust how you treat your children as they grow older.  This is part of the Waldorf way and view of childhood development.  The hallmarks of the early years are repetition, reverence, imitation and modeling, less words, protection of the child. 

Now I would like you to read what Steiner said about the seven to fourteen year old in the lectures compiled in “The Education of the Child”:  “The development of the ether body occurs in the period from the seventh year until the sixteenth year in boys, and until the fourteenth year in girls.  It is important for the rest of a person’s life that feeling of respect and veneration are fostered  during this period…..People around the children, with whom they have contact, must be their ideals; children must also choose such ideals from history and literature……This is the age when memory, habit and character must be established, and this is achieved through authority.  If the foundation of these traits is not laid during this period, it will result in behavioral shortcomings later. “

Steiner goes on to talk about what things influence the ether body – he discusses things that “promotes feelings of health and vigor” – he cites gymnastics (not the typical gymnastics, these gymnastics were a series of specially created exercises), art – especially vocal and instrumental music,  and “most important of all is religious instruction.  Images of things supersensible are deeply imprinted in the ether body.”

Steiner said, “The task to fulfill between the ages of seven and fourteen is to create a basic set of habits and to stimulate memory development…..We form a strong memory, not by explaining all the “whys” and “wherefores”, but through authority.”    He  page 151 of the lectures compiled in “Soul Economy”:  “This sense for authority in children between the change of teeth and puberty must be respected and nurtured, because it represents an inborn need at this age.  Before one can use freedom appropriately  in later life, one must have experienced shy reverence and a feeling for adult authority between the change of teeth and puberty.”

He also goes on to say that while imitation and example are the hallmark of the early years, the years of 7 to 14 are for discipleship and authority.  Note Steiner does not say this is the age for reasoning either, because logical thought does not come in until around the age of 14 years or older.

As part of your Holy Nights meditation, meditate and ponder on this: Am I using the right tools for my child, based upon their age?  Should their world be still completely closed or should it be opening up a bit? Am I putting the cart before the horse by using more grown-up tools with my four year old?  Am I instilling reverence and authority in my ten year old?  How am I doing, and what do I  need to do to feed my child’s soul?

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

Why Waldorf Makes Sense – In Kids’ Own Words

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On m daughter’s birthday,  I opened up the newspaper and there was an editorial entitled, “Why teens don’t read:  English teachers ruin it”  ( I think it was a little gift to me, little signs along the path that confirm things for me, LOL).

And part of this article really caught my eye and I want to share it with you all.

(The fast background to the writing below is the statement in the editorial that says,  “The percentage of 17 year olds who read nothing at all for pleasure has doubled in the past 20 years).  So glad our educational system is encouraging strong readers who love to read. 

This editorial, written by a high school AP English teacher, states:

“Every June, when I asked my students at a previous school to write about a favorite book of the year, they mostly gushed over two: J.D. Salinger’s “Catcher in the Rye” and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby.” For years, “Catcher” was my successful icebreaker for my juniors. 

      So imagine my dismay when “Catcher” was demoted to the eighth or ninth grade.  Apparently it wasn’t sophisticated enough for 11th-graders.  That many 17-year-olds identify powerfully with Salinger’s 17-year-old protagonist was a fact cast by the wayside.

      But here’s what a former student wrote about this book, “To my 12-year-old self, the book didn’t seem to move anywhere.  I didn’t understand why Holden couldn’t just try a little harder at school.  By tenth grade, I had been drunk for the first time.  I knew rebellion against my parents, the fakeness of social interaction.  As a reader in the eleventh grade, I grew close to Holden; he was a friend who understood me.”

       In adults’ determination to create sophisticated teen readers, we sever them from potential fictional soul mates.”

While I don’t necessarily agree with the adult experiences this tenth grader was having (!), I do understand the thought that books that come along after you have experienced life can make more sense.  Why we are trying to shove sophisticated literature down a child’s throat when they have had no experiences to even relate to it, they are not close to the age of the protagonist, is just beyond me and I feel is a symptom of our education process in which doing everything early is better.

To me, this was really a supportive editorial for Waldorf education, as Waldorf  looks at everything in relation to soul development of the child and what the child will be like as an adult.  A six year old is still a kindergartener.  A third grader going through the nine year change needs to build houses, a home for himself on Earth, and learn about the Old Testament laws as an example of authority relationships.  A fifth grader in symmetry needs to look at the symmetry in nature of plants and the Greeks…..It goes on and on.

I don’t understand why Waldorf education is not much more prevalent when it makes so much sense.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.

The Healing Art of Puppetry

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Puppetry is one of the things that Steiner felt was so healing for children (and I think it is healing for  adults as well, look how entranced we all become when we go to the Waldorf holiday faires and see those beautiful archetypal images in the puppet shows?).  Puppetry, to me,  is something that is so over-looked most of the time, and can have such a dramatic impact on your storytelling for your children.

The first resource I think of regarding Waldorf puppetry is the wonderful Suzanne Down’s website at www.junipertreepuppets.com.  She has a wonderful newsletter that comes out with a seasonal story and a puppetry idea.  She has three books out: Autumn Tales, Spring Tales and a puppetry around the world kind of book.  I have all of them and love them.  These gentle seasonal tales are just right for children under the age of 7, especially for the children who love nature.    You can get these books through Suzanne, and also  through the Rudolf Steiner College Bookstore.  Suzanne also has wonderful wool roving and puppetry kits that are worth ordering from her and waiting for!  It is my dream to do some longer puppetry workshops with her.  I did take a workshop with her the last time she was here in town and it was so wonderful!

There are two other resources I really like for puppetry – one is the little booklet “Plays for Puppets” , which is a little book of typical Waldorf puppet plays and the other is  Christel Dhom’s “Making Magical Fairy-Tale Puppets.”  Also, the book “Toymaking with Children” has extensive instructions for making simple silk marionettes and simple marionettes for children to use.

You can use a silk on your lap for a  simple puppetry stage like Suzanne Down and many Waldorf Kindergarten teachers do, but honestly I would eventually like to have a small platform stage built with some mountains cut out of plywood attached to the back (that way I could throw silks over them or they could be mountains) for my own home puppet shows.   ( Uh, doesn’t every Waldorf household want one of these? LOL).

I also think a very indispensible part of puppetry is music, and I love the little book “Plays for Puppets” because most of those plays do feature music that comes into the story.  The music, along with the veils of color  the silks provide, is very important in its work for the child’s soul.

As you head into the contemplation that The Holy Nights gives us all as a gift, consider how you might bring more puppetry into your circle times, your verses and songs and your stories.  The feeding of your child’s soul is well worth this effort.

Perhaps you can come along with me and what I am doing in the New Year.  I am going to work toward making the puppets for “The Snow Maiden” from “Plays for Puppets” to put on at  the end of January.  Many of you probably know this Russian tale of the older childless couple who receives a snow daughter for a bit of time, a wonderful tale perfect for these long days of winter.

Just a few thoughts from my little corner of the world.