We are continuing our exploration of Elizabeth Pantley’s “The No-Cry Discipline Solution: Gentle Ways to Encourage Good Behavior Without Whining, Tantrum or Tears.” Pick up a copy at the library or your local bookseller and follow along!
I know many gentle parents who wouldn’t love this first sentence of the section “Building A Strong Foundation”: “This book is about how to live everyday life with your children in a controlled yet loving and joyous manner.”
Control, and anything that smacks of authority can be really difficult for parents to accept these days. I think if it helps you, I consider the author’s use of the word “controlling” more akin to discovering the values that make your family unique and reflecting those values in the limits you set as parents to make your home a harmonious one. We had a series of fruitful back discussion on authority some time ago, and I link here for you to review: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/12/02/re-claiming-authority-part-one/ and here: https://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/12/05/re-claiming-authority-part-two/
One of the main concepts from this chapter to take away is “The Big Picture is More Important Than Any One Action”. If we have over 100,000 hours to connect and love our children before they are off living their own lives, then all of these hours are not going to be blissful and peaceful, but there should be a sense of joy and love and delight for our children.
I like this quote here, “Raising a child requires that we make many decisions every single day, from the insignificant to the life-alerting. Sometimes it is obvious that you have made the right decision, other times it is unclear, and from time to time it’s apparent that you have made a mistake. Nearly every mistake that you make as a parent has been made by a multitude of parents throughout history. What is more important than any single action is your overall philosophy and approach to raising your child.” (I love this post by Elizabeth Foss on the subject of making mistakes: http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2013/10/a-brand-new-ending.html)
Love, is of course, the foundation. But how does our child feel love, how do we show love?
The bold is my emphasis, but I want you THINK this week on this. What are your values, how do you reflect those values, what is your overall philosophy toward parenting and also education? I don’t think parenting and education should be separate from one another. Every day, every minute is education and learning.
The other sections in this chapter include:
- Relax more and stress less
- Enjoy the play more
- Give yourself more credit for what you do right and don’t examine so intently the things you do wrong
- Let your heart win out over the voices of insistent, insensitive, and unwanted advice
- Be willing to break the rules
- See the world through your child’s eyes
- Discipline doesn’t have to be unpleasant to be effective
- Know that it’s not that important
- Give the small stuff small attention and the big stuff big attention
- Rest assured that your kids love you, even when they hate you (because they really don’t)
- Relax, because when you’re prepared for the worst, it almost never happens
- When the worst does happen, you’ll get through it and move on
- Live in the moment