….
,,,,of all the things Elizabeth Foss has written. Go and check it out!
http://www.elizabethfoss.com/reallearning/2011/07/lets-talk-about-learning-with-little-ones.html
How is that for lovely heading into the weekend?
Many blessings,
Carrie
Those of you who have read this blog for a long time know I rather disagree with The Gesell Institute book “Your Five-Year-Old” where five is seen as the golden age. To me, five actually can be rather quirky and some five year olds seem stuck back at four with exuberant, out of bounds behavior and still on potty words….or they can be forging ahead to the six/seven year change. Either way, it seems anything but golden to many parents I speak with.
I have been observing a group of five year olds recently and have noticed some interesting behaviors for five. For those of you with five year olds, do any of these things ring true for you?
I have several back posts about the five year old that you may find helpful:
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/08/22/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-five-year-old/
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/10/the-fabulous-five-year-old/
There are also many post if you use the search engine regarding the six/seven change.
Many blessings,
Carrie
Parents have many questions about the developmental leaps of the six/seven year old. A few key points for this age:
) And, what will you do if you feel as if you cannot hold the boundary anymore but you know you need to for your child’s sake? What is your plan? Third, what does your child learn from pushing against the boundary – what active ways do you have to help your child make restitution?”I highly suggest you go back to all of these back posts for review as these will most likely cover some of these questions:
For more about the intricacies of peer relationships at this age: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/02/05/peer-relationships-for-the-six-to-eight-year-old/
Favorite books for gentle discipline to inspire you: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/11/27/favorite-books-for-gentle-discipline/
Hitting: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/28/boys-under-age-7-and-hitting/
Potty words: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/20/how-to-handle-potty-talk-in-small-children/
A review of my favorite book for the six/seven year change: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/19/a-book-for-parents-of-the-five-to-seven-year-old/
Here are a continuation of some notes I made for my talk for The Waldorf Connection on development and how to best support development in children during the first seven year cycle of life.
Rudolf Steiner said that by the time children learn to speak and walk, formative forces released from the head join those being released in the chest region. Whether or not this description resonates with you, I think one can see a change evidenced by the vivid memory and wonderful imagination children develop between the ages of two and a half and five. The memory is not ready for academic work at this point; it is emerging. The child is still learning through imitation and play.
Here are some suggestions for the best ways to support your child’s development in these ages:
More notes about this important subject: First you must be clear what the boundaries in your home really are, and what are the consequences (see more on that below), and what would the restitution be? And three and four is really, really little, so you are going to have to repeat the movement toward the boundary and what is and is not allowed 500 times before the child really and truly understands it. Some things also work in phases, and some of the things that drive parents to irritation really will pass. Draw less individual attention to what you don’t want, but keep drawing the child to what you do what. Keep striving to act as if you are the Leader in Your Home – because you are, and you must be!
Logical consequences for this age (ages 3 and 4) are not so much “announced”, but just happen as part of tweaking your rhythm throughout the day. For example, if a small child is just falling apart and hitting you and such, then the small child is obviously tired and does not need to go out and play with the neighborhood children. You don’t need to announce this so the child goes into another fit of tears, but just do it. Arrange your afternoon so there is something physically repetitive outside, an early dinner and an early bedtime. You must step up and be the parent for this age. It is not being harsh, but guiding your child, because what a child of this age needs is not always what a child of this age wants. If you are resolute in what should or should not happen, what the rules in your house are, how people are treated with respect in your house (including yourself! Are you being treated with respect by the members of your family?), then it is much easier to hold the space and hold what is RIGHT. You are showing your child how to be an upright moral human being, you are calmly setting boundaries and you are staying calm when the boundary is pushed against.
In the fifth year, we also recognize that the child begins (BEGINS!!) to be understand a bit about what is right and what is wrong. As the adult shows over and over what it means to be an upright human being, then faith develops in that adult. Faith in an adult induces a feeling of authority, which is very important as a child moves from the fifth year into the six/seven year transformation and the grades.
The next post will be the last in this series, and it will take a peek at how to support development during the six/seven year change.
Many blessings,
Carrie
One of the most pressing issues for the child of the traditional preschool age (ages 3 and onward) is learning to deal with boundaries. I find many attached parents, especially first-time attachment parents, are rather slow about using boundaries. It seems as if they equate boundaries with not being a good attached parent. Attachment parenting does not mean letting the child do whatever they want at the expense of the needs of everyone else in the family. That is not what attachment parenting is, and it sets your child and you up for difficulties that are much harder to un-do as your child grows older and the things you are dealing with become much bigger.
Children naturally are experimenting with boundaries during the years of three to six and beyond! A child of three or three and a half really has their own will starting to emerge and is looking to see what the rules of the family are. It is also an important time for the child to see what the social rules are beyond the immediate family. A small child needs you to model manners and to help them. We are certainly kind and respectful at home, but there are also certain ways we act outside of our home depending upon what we are doing and where we are. What are the rules of conduct at the park versus the rules of being at a place of worship? These are the things that small children are learning.
A sense of right and wrong can not be especially elicited before the six/seven year old change, but that certainly does not mean you just let things go and slide away. You take your four year old by the hand and say “thank you” to the neighbor who has brought him a gift, even if he is too shy to say it for himself. You take your child who is being disruptive in a quiet place and step outside. You physically help your three and a half or four year old draw a picture for the smaller sibling whom they were not gentle with.
If you can start by putting these boundaries in place when children are small, then when your child moves into the ages of seven and nine, they will come to see you as the loving authority that you are. They will see that what you say means something and your voice will be a guide of wisdom. I am sure as teenagers you all will remember certain things your parents would say, and even if you didn’t follow your parent’s advice about something, you probably could hear their voice in your head! The parent’s loving authority is often like a conscience for the child as they work to develop their own morality and their own right action.
But the groundwork for this is laid in the Early Years. I cringe when I see three and a half, four, five and six year olds just doing whatever it is what they want to do with no regard for the feelings of others because the parent is not guiding the behavior at all. Yes, children have temper tantrums, children melt down, children have difficulty playing together, things happen. That is life with small children! However, it is the job of the parent to help guide that child toward the boundaries that exist, to structure opportunities for success, and yes, to step in a gentle physical way to help guide the child. There is no “voice only” parenting from the sidelines with the small child. They need your physical presence.
What you are doing today with your small child is very important for the future of your child and for the future of society. What you do today matters! The Early Years count!
Many blessings,
Carrie
MY CAVEAT TO THIS POST: I write these posts from the perspective that the one-year-old, the two-year-old, etc is your OLDEST child in your homeschool, without older siblings to carry things… that may help explain my perspective on wet-on-wet painting and other such animals. You can see the comments below as well…
We talked a bit about planning for fall in a recent post, and I wanted to make sure my mothers with under-7 children didn’t feel left out. We are up to the five-year-old now! I still hold some maverick views compared to much of the Waldorf community, so please take what resonates with you and leave the rest from this post. If you are searching for the other posts in this series, here is the one- and two-year old in the home: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/06/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-one-and-two-year-old/ and here is the three- and four-year-old in the home: http://www.theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/13/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-three-and-four-year-old/ . If you review those back posts, you can see life is focused on rhythm, bodily care, singing, work around the house, being outside – no curriculums needed, although you may like some sources for verses, Mother Goose rhymes and songs. I did do a review of one Kindergarten source here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/13/a-review-kindergarten-with-your-three-to-six-year-old-by-donna-simmons/
So here comes five!
Five can be such an odd age. It is the age that is considered a “golden” age by traditional perspectives, but many mothers of five-year-olds tell me they are pulling their hair out over their child’s behavior. I think this is mainly because some five-year-olds are still in the four-year-old “out of bounds” stage, and some five-year-olds are beginning that six and seven-year transformation. Here are some back posts about the five-year-old in general if you need some developmental help: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/10/the-fabulous-five-year-old/
Here is what I think a five-year-old should be working on with Waldorf In The Home:
RHYTHM! Here is a lovely article detailing a rhythm in a Waldorf Kindergarten by Ruth Ker: http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/blessingker.pdf
Meal times. Think unhurried, unrushed, singing, having your child help with preparation and clean-up. Use your meal time now to work on things to develop their movement – kneading bread, using a rolling pin, sweeping the kitchen floor, scrubbing a countertop, etc.
Rest Times. I honestly don’t know many five year olds who still nap, and that is a shame. If your child is not a “napper” at this age, you can still have a quiet time each day. Your child may not be able to do this well on his or her own (although some will happily play with a play scenario you have set up), but this may be a time to read a story, a time to tell a story, a time to sing soft songs whilst massaging their hands or feet, and just dim the lights and be together and rock in the rocking chair for a bit. You may also catch some down time for yourself at this time or during outside time if your child gets engaged.
Bath times. Singing, finger plays and toe plays, gentle rub downs with the towel (those textures again).
Outside time. Being outside is of extreme importance and to provide opportunities for physical movement outside. If your child is a reluctant woodsperson, try the following posts:
http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/25/nature-day-number-8-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/ and this one: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/24/connecting-your-children-to-nature/
I think really three hours a day outside is not too much, and you could do more. It is important. Some homeschooling mothers arrange to hold almost their entire school day
Participation in household life. Your very gesture is so important, it should not be you rushing around trying to get the whole house clean in one day! It really is about taking each article of laundry and smoothing it out, folding it tenderly, putting it in the pile to be put away with love for your family. What is important is not only that the child sees the work being done, but imitates that gesture of love and care. That extends into caring for plants and animals, this is the very first “environmental education” that a child gets with you, right at home.
To this we add the thought that physical work is very important, not only outside, but inside as well. Can your wee one help you wash lettuce? Peel carrots? Peel an apple? Grind wheat? Knead bread? These experiences are the first form of handwork for the young child.
Music – as mentioned many times, music and rhymes and verses should take precedence at this point over any written word.
Inner Work/Personal Parenting Development: The most spiritually mature people should be the ones coming into contact with the youngest children. This is a very important time for your own work and development. If you are anxious, practice being calm. If you are impatient, practice being patient. If you talk in a stream of conscious way, practice being silent. This is a time to develop your spiritual and religious beliefs. It is a time to become more aware of the things unseen.
We continue to work on building up the first four of the twelve senses:
The Sense of Touch: Holding, cuddling, taking baths together, swimming, piggy back rides, games that involve holding hands and singing, wrestling and roughhousing, tickling games if your child likes that, rolling around on the floor together, being outside in nature, natural materials to touch and play with and wear
The Sense of Life: RHYTHM, humor and joy!
The Sense of Movement: crawling, any sustained movement over time such as learning to ride a bike or swim,
The Sense of Balance: RHYTHM again, swinging, rolling, and now working toward more complex gross motor skills – riding a bike, trying the monkey bars and climbing structures, skipping
If you need to know realistic expectations for a five-year-old, please see here:
PLAY. In the imitative phase of the first seven year cycle, your child may very well need some help from you in play without a group around to carry it. You can see the back posts on fostering creative play and the progression of play by age and suggested toys.
People ask about play dates for this age. I think play dates need to be structured with the adults doing something that requires taking turns and modeling the behavior you would like to see, and then moving into free play with the adults really in tune as to what is going on with the children (not off chatting in a corner ignoring the children). I think play dates should be kept short. If you would like to see more about social experiences, here is a post about the four-year-old I like: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/09/more-about-social-experiences-for-the-four-year-old/ I think much in this post holds true for the five-year-old. Five-year-old boys also may really not be ready for group situations until they around are seven years old.
Preparation for Festivals. This is a great time to help children participate by DOING, not explaining in words. There are lots of posts on this blog about individual festivals.
Art/Creative Experiences
Storytelling and Puppetry – If you have not had a time where you light a candle and tell a story, now is the time to begin. Pick a story, memorize it, and tell it at least three days a week for two weeks to a month.
Here is where you can start bringing in some traditional fairy tales. See here for a list of recommended fairy tales by age, but pick one that that resonates with you: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/03/20/fairy-tales-books-and-storytelling-with-the-little-ones/ and here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/11/20/the-importance-of-fairy-tales/
You could also make your five year old year your Nature Tales year (there are many on www.mainlesson.com ) and then bring in more fairy tales in your true Kindergarten year (your six year old year). And don’t be afraid to repeat stories from year to year – your children will ask for them! That repetition is wonderful!
My other thought is to create those stories to address challenging behavior. There are several examples here in this article from the “Gateways” Journal: http://www.waldorflibrary.org/Journal_Articles/GW55brooks.pdf
Circle Time is the heart of the Waldorf Kindergarten, but can be a complete flop at home. I love the book “Movement Journeys and Circle Adventures” (see this post for the review: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/29/favorite-waldorf-resource-5-three-resources-to-help-you-get-more-movement-into-your-homeschool/ ), but at home it can really flop. Still, I think it is worth a try if you can convince your five-year-old to “teach” your younger child, LOL. Still stick to the verses and songs you have in daily life, and add seasonal finger plays and seasonal songs.
Hope this helps you as you plan. Please do take what resonates with you.
What concerns or challenges are you facing with your five-year-old? Please do feel free to leave a comment below.
Many blessings,
Carrie
A small child under the age of seven needs to hear you paint a picture with your words instead of a direct command. This can really be a very difficult thing for us to do as adults, and as such we find ourselves barking commands (politely, of course ) at our small children all day long. “Come to breakfast!” “Use the potty!” “Get your shoes on!” “Now please!” “Stop doing that!” Even if we frame things positively and say what we do want, the point is that a million times a day we are asking our child to do something. And when we only use a command, we are essentially giving the small child a chance to think, a chance to decide their behavior, and then we get angry when they don’t do what we want when we want it. How funny how that goes.
Small children are often in a fantasy, imaginative world much of the day as they play and create games. They are not adults, they do not view time as adults do, they do not have the sense of urgency that you do. And nor should they.
A small child lives in the physical realm and in their bodies. So, to most effectively parent, we must reach to that for the small child as often as possible instead of playing commander, or worse yet, trying to drive the car with our horn by yelling at the small child.
Here are some examples:
You do not have to do this to the point where it is tiring to you, but do try here and there, because I find most parents employ very little imagination with their children during the day and the children really do respond to it well and do just what needs to happen.
Your part though, is to plan enough time so things are NOT rushed. Rushing is the death of imagination and the beginning of stress. Please plan ahead!
Also, rhythm is your friend. It is in that space to help you and your child. If you do something different every night to get ready for a meal, to get ready for bed, what cues does your child have for when things are going to happen? Again, their sense of time and urgency is not that of an adult. Also, please seriously evaluate how many places you are dragging a small child. Are these places for them or errands and would your child just rather be home? I am just asking you to consider this piece of the puzzle; only you know the answer for you and your family.
The last piece is the physical end of it, DOING something with a child whilst using the imagination and movement goes much better! Yes, it is tiring that that is what small children need. But better to do that than to complain and moan and groan that your small child, who is perfectly normal, is “not listening”.
Try it out, I think you will find life to be much easier.
Many blessings,
Carrie
We have followed the anthroposophical book “Tapestries” on this blog, which is a look at the seven-year cycles through the adult life span, and we are slowly making our way through this book. I want to finish this book up as I would like to move forward to our new book soon! Stay tuned for a surprise announcement as to what that next book will be!
Judy Arnall kicks off this chapter by reminding us of the world of the preschooler. Children this age: are learning about reality versus fantasy (although I would argue that elements of that fantasy world hang on strongly until the nine-year change; how many six and seven year olds still believe in Santa; how many still have that innate ability to feel one with nature? But I digress..); are having experiences with the natural consequences of their behavior:are becoming aware of power and are learning about that by engaging in power struggles (please do NOT confuse this with willful manipulation or defiance! If you need a primer on “defiance” in the under seven crowd please see this post to help you out: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/16/a-few-fast-words-regarding-defiance-in-children-under-the-age-of-6/ ); beginning to learn about socially acceptable behavior; beginning to learn about rules (Carrie’s note: the knowledge of right and wrong really begins at about age five and it is just beginning; your three and four year olds still don’t have a great grasp on it all!); are engaging in fantasy play and may have imaginary friends and such; may lie as a result of wishful thinking and fantasy but NOT MALICE (remember, four year olds are Master Boasters and Exaggerators, not liars! )
She runs through the developmental milestones for age three (here are posts on this blog about that: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/19/peaceful-life-with-a-three-year-old/ and this one: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/18/three-year-old-behavior-challenges/ and realistic expectations for a three year old here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/28/realistic-expectations-day-number-ten-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/). She mentions improved appetite, using a fork (although I know many a four year old who would rather eat with their hands ), very, very active; may drop afternoon nap, can take off all clothes and put on simple clothes; imitates speech of others, can peddle a tricycle. Judy mentions a three year old can play cooperatively with children. I disagree, unless there are other adults to model off of and hold that space or older children about to help carry it all. There is a reason school used to start around age five! She mentions children this age are beginning to express feelings with words, that three year olds are egocentric in thought and action with some empathy beginning to develop, anxious to please, accepts self as an individual. The author also writes that no logical reasoning is present, a child this age believes inanimate objects are real, and that “mythical and magical explanations are readily accepted for natural phenomena”, attention span is about fifteen minutes.
For the four and five year old milestones, she notes such things as proficient with fork, spoon and cup (and again, I know many four and five year olds who would be very content to eat with their fingers ); no naps but sleeps 12 hours at night; very active with skipping and hopping on one foot; can throw overhand, can ride a scooter or two wheeled bike with training wheels (and some can ride a bike without training wheels as well is my note); hates to lose games, beginning of sex identification; has beginning emotions tied to social interaction with others such as guilt, insecurity, envy, confidence, humility; begins to respect simple rules (Carrie’s note is that four is the height of many out of bounds behavior, see the defiance post!); tensional outlets can be high, very honest and blunt; don’t really understand cause and effect at all; asks many questions about everything; beginning to distinguish between edible and non-edible substances; sentences are three and four words long; memory is rote and must start from the beginning to remember items in their order such as numbers or song verses; often confuses sequences of events; attention span is about 20 minutes. Judy Arnall writes, “Does not recognize limits. Just beginning to learn them.” “Learning self-control but takes much practice.” For further information about the four year old, see here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/08/discipline-for-the-four-year-old/ and for the five-year-old see here:http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/10/the-fabulous-five-year-old/
She writes an UNHELPFUL parenting behavior is “Expecting more reason, understanding, and logic at this stage. Not within the child’s capacity yet.” Ways to parent helpfully for a child of this age include responding to questions simply, teaching and modeling appropriate behavior, talking about a limit (and I would add along with physical re-direction; words alone are not going to do it!); having predictable routines and rituals; nurturing child through touch, words, actions, feelings; parental self-care and all the helpful behaviors she listed in the babies and toddlers chapters.
THE MOST IMPORTANT DISCIPLINE TOOL FOR THIS AGE ( I would say outside of CONNECTION) is the ability to set a boundary and stay with that boundary. You must honor your words, you must have thought things through ahead of time, and if you agree to do something, you must do it. Judy does mention, “Again, at this age, use as few words as possible.” (page 248). This backs up my view that we work with the BODIES of small children. The author advocates choices; I would say many children do not do well with choices at this age and become frustrated as they pick something and then want the other thing, etc. Please do think about what works for your child. “Tell your children exactly what specific descriptive behavior you expect.” I would add, SHOW THEM, do it WITH them. This is important. Judy Arnall advocates asking reflective questions; I think less questions for this age group actually. The author talks about how changing the environment, so effective for younger ages, still works wonders for this age group. Other helpful tools mentioned include parental time-outs, being polite and firm and kind, picking your battles and giving positive feedback. There are other tools the author mentions, but I picked those out to highlight.
Modeling is very important! Judy Arnall writes, “Watch especially how you treat other people, from your partner all the way to the grocery clerk who gave you the wrong change. Your children are picking up tone of voice, words, actions, and reactions, and they will copy them.” “Modeling is such a powerful force, that it’s included as a tool in all age categories. In fact, if all parents did was model correct behavior and didn’t correct their child on any negative behavior, children would be keen to learn how to behave properly in society, based on how the adults act.” Love this!
There is so much more in this chapter, including a checklist of natural consequences, a discussion regarding preschoolers and self-control, power struggles, how to nurture your child’s creativity, stages of play and how friendship evolves, timeless toys for all age groups, strategies to prepare your child for the arrival of a new baby, remedies for sibling rivalry, how to resolve issues without resentment, manners, chores or allowances or both?, building a healthy self-esteem.
This is a great chapter, pick what resonates with you. Parent with COURAGE! You can do this! http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/05/parenting-with-courage/
Moving along to the six to twelve year old!
Many blessings,
Carrie
There are several steps to peaceful guidance of small children.
1. It is important to work hard at connection with these children during happy and joyful times. Connection that is built up over time, and connection that is built in the moment of crisis are both needed.
2. It is important to attempt to guide from a place of understanding of developmental stages. Many parents try to guide from emotion (ie, anger, yelling) or guide from a place of reasoning and extra explanations and such so the child will essentially agree with them regarding discipline and the action taken by the parent. Neither is effective. Guidance from place of developmental understanding and other tools are necessary.
3. It helps to be working on yourself, and also to understand your own family culture. Try this back post for help: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/02/10/what-kind-of-family-are-you/
4. Boundaries are important! Children need to learn how to function in society. What are the boundaries in your home? What are the rules? It should not be all willy-nilly! It matters what boundaries you set, so think about them and set them in confidence and love!
5. The needs of ALL the family members matter! The rhythm of your day, bedtimes, mealtimes, etc have to work for EVERYONE. You are the designer of your family life and if something is NOT working, you must change it!
This is a brief summary of gentle discipline techniques according to age, up through age 8. These are not all-inclusive lists, but just some things to get you started and thinking!
Children ages 1 -2: Connection, nursing, distraction, rhythm, limited words, singing and verses and movement instead, avoid DIRECT commands because they will turn around and run the other way! Don’t be afraid to pick your child up and move them. Shape the environment – don’t put all the toys out, etc. Rest is important! Getting the energy out is important!
Children aged 2: Keep out of the home excursions very limited and simple. Simple words (remember a child of 18 months is about at the “coat-hat-out” phase so a 2 year old is not too far ahead of this! Do not provide choices about big things, esp at 2 and a half – they have a really hard time choosing and are likely to dissolve into a puddle of tears. Have confidence, find your rhythm. Do not expect two years to share! Shape the environment. Use imagination and fantasy for daily tasks, for changing activities. Sideways, sideways, sideways instead of direct head on commands and demands. Rest is important.
Children ages 3 and 4: Connection, nursing, distraction, rhythm, enough rest, enough outside time to get energy out, limited words and explanation, singing and verses and movement instead. Let some of the behaviors go and ignore instead of trying to address every single thing.
Children ages 5 and 6: Connection, nursing, distraction, rhythm, enough rest, enough outside time to get energy out, limited words but more pointed phrases regarding behavior, verses, this is a time when children say things like “You’re not the boss of me!” “no I won’t do that!” “Make me do that!” Calm down, and don’t respond in an angry manner. You are the one shaping the situation, not them. Be calm!
Children ages 7 and 8: Connection, enough rest, enough outside time to get energy out, simple explanations, distraction still works to a limited extent. 7 year olds have a really, really hard time stopping to do what they are doing to do what you asked, so you can warn them in advance if that helps, and give them TIME to complete a task.
Peaceful days in March and many blessings,
Carrie
We all know this child, the negative child who seems to have less joy than the other children, the one who is already not sure if Santa Claus exists, the one who tends to look at the glass half empty and the one who just seems more like a jaded teenager than a five year old.
Sigh. That is so hard, so challenging, and so heart-wrenching for so many parents. Parents really wonder what they did to make their child feel the way they do…. Here is an article from a parent and anthroposophic medical professional’s experience in healing children with physical and emotional challenges that may be of service: http://www.anthromed.org/Article.aspx?artpk=702
Here are my suggestions to help this child:
1. Pray about this child, meditate over this child at night whilst they are sleeping, and practice visualizing a smiling, laughing child in your mind’s eye. Try to re-frame your very thoughts about this child.
2. Look carefully at the media diet and adult conversation surrounding this child. This is most important in so many ways. As much as possible, this child really does need to be shielded from adult worries and concerns as they are already “adult” enough. Cut out media if that exists.
3. Look for physical causes – this is a child who may very well benefit from Flower Essences and homeopathics. I cannot tell you which ones, but your local homeopath or naturopath should have ways to test and figure out what essences and things would be best. I have used Flower Essences and homeopathics to great effect with my own children.
4. As much as possible, go out of the whole” head” part and into the body. Massages, foot rubs, wrestling games, singing games, all the things that really nurture the lower four senses are so important. It is easy to try to “talk” them out of their negativity, and yet this rarely works! Work with their body instead!
5. Model joy for this child as much as possible in your own work. And show them real work and give them real work to do.
6. Don’t react strongly to the negative words and such, ho-hum, ho-hum. You are not responsible for your child’s feelings. Their feelings are theirs, but at under 7 they should still be very connected to you, so your modeling of emotions is very important.
7. This is a child who needs to be outside A LOT. Walking trails, biking, swimming, picking apples and berries, just being, watching birds, hunting for bugs, looking for tracks, building fairy houses, digging in the dirt. I would shoot for four hours outside a day if at all possible.
8. This child needs a diet of food close to its natural state that are warming, and please make sure this child is wearing enough layers as well. See the “warmth” tag on this blog for ideas. Give this child a lot of emotional warmth.
9. Do things with this child as a family that are FUN! Go hiking, roller skating, ice skating, berry picking, apple picking, play games together, go to the park, fly kites.
10. This is a child that needs warm and cozy routines for rest and bed times.
It is a challenging situation, but I believe one that a parent can work with if they have the right tools.
Many blessings,
Carrie
