Many stay-at-home mothers are concerned about feeling socially isolated.  I wrote about this awhile back, including some suggestions for how to handle it:

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/24/social-isolation-for-stay-at-home-mothers/

Interestingly, I think this issue comes up again and again in parenting.  When we are the first person out of our friends to have a child, our priorities shift and we can’t do the same things we used to do with our childless friends.  When we are the one out of our friends who have three, four or five children and our friends only have one child, they may not understand how truly hard it can be to get five bodies ready to get out of the house and that we really don’t have the same amount of time that we did when we only had one child.  Activities that we may enjoy socially and that typically would renew us, such as going to a place of worship, may become difficult as we tend to the needs of our infants, toddlers and preschoolers. 

I think we have to be patient.  Part of this growth that occurs in parenting really does occur in learning to slow down and being patient with the long developmental arc of childhood.  Part of this growth that occurs for us includes perhaps being able to step out of our pre-conceived box of “who should be our friend” and realize that we may have more in common with different mothers  now than we did before.  We may need to widen our circle of friends a bit in order to garner enough support instead of relying on only one or two women who are now insanely busy with their own families. 

One thing that has been effective for me is to literally sit down and make a list of all the qualities I really wanted in a friend  and  to pray about it.  If you don’t pray, perhaps you can consider this just putting it out to the Universe.  I have a lovely group of friends now, all with different viewpoints and talents and skills.  They really are helpful to me, and I am grateful every day for them and how they listen to my cares and concerns.  In this day and age,when so many of us live far away from our families, the friends we choose often do become like family. 

Every mother also deserves some good friends to really confide in and bounce things off of; every mother deserves some friends who will just listen and not be judgmental even if they don’t parent exactly the same way. Parenting is an area in which mothers can get extremely defensive; as if doing things differently implies that one is doing them incorrectly.  Part of expanding your circle of friends includes expanding your ability to just listen, to be supportive and to not offer advice unless the person clearly asks for it.

Just as we prepare in our marriages for the day twenty years from now when we will be alone again with our husbands, let us also prepare our friendships for that day as well by making them as much of a priority as we can at this moment.  It only takes  a few moments to pick up the phone and say hello, or to email someone and say you are thinking of them. 

I would love to hear your comments as to how you keep your adult friendships going or how they have changed with the advent of parenthood or adding children to  your families.

Many blessings,

Carrie

I talk a lot about planning for homeschooling on this blog, but today I would like to talk about developing a  plan for parenting.  How does one go about helping the child and the family love and have joy together?  

This is how my personal planning for parenting goes, and perhaps this outline will help you develop your own plan for your own family:

THE VISION:

Think of the four areas that are predominate in the child’s life:  the spiritual, the educational element (not just “school” but real-life common sense, etc), the element of work within the family life (and as the child is maturing perhaps the notion of work outside of the family), and relationships within and outside of the family.  This idea is from Rick Johnson’s “That’s My Son”, but I think it is applicable for all children, both genders.

Next, assess where your child is.  What seven-year-stage are they in?  What techniques can one use within this stage most effectively? 

Ask yourself, where is my child in each area right now and where are they going to be in the next six months?  This can be difficult if this is your first child since you may not have a great sense of the “big picture”, but try to think about this.  Meditate and pray on it. 

What areas are most challenging for my child right now?  What would make this better?  What needs to happen not only from my child, but from me, from other family members to help this child?

Then the plan comes in.  How could I help uplift my child to the next level, past this challenge?  How can I envision and think of this child at the next level?  How am I keeping my heart open with this child, and how I am showing this child my emotional warmth and love?  What is my plan?

Who do I need to help with my plan?  Do I need a mentor for my child?  Does my child need to learn a particular skill? 

I find this really helpful when I meditate and pray about each of my children, and then I add my notes to my Homemaking Notebook. 

Live big and love your children,

Carrie

In Waldorf Education, the four temperaments are seen as a tool to help us understand the child as a “whole” human being.  The idea of the four temperaments was not new in Steiner’s time;  it came about during the Greek times and again during the Middle Ages (some of you may remember hearing about the four humors or the four fluids).

Roberto Trostli writes in “Rhythms of Learning”:  “Our temperament mediates between these two streams; it allows us to reconcile our hereditary characteristics with out destiny.” 

Here are a few things to be aware of with the temperaments:

• You cannot tell what temperament your child is before the change of teeth.  You may see glimmers here and there, but things do change over the years.  So , if you have small children under the age of 7, please save this information for the future.  I would even argue you can see the temperament of your child best as they approach the nine-year change.
• According to Steiner, each period of the lifespan has a temperament associated with it:  childhood-sanguine (most sources say sanguine, some sources say choleric; I say sanguine);  adolescents- choleric; adulthood-melancholic and old age-phlegmatic.
• As an adult, the goal is for all your temperaments to be in harmony with none of the temperaments.  So if you see one thing predominating in  yourself, then you may have to work to cultivate the other temperaments and bring yourself into more harmony.

The workshop I attended required some artistic work and rendering of the temperaments, so know that is an option for home.  We worked with a color wheel and the temperaments and drawing.  It was very interesting, and now,  without further ado, let’s talk about each of the temperaments:

CHOLERIC: (colors:  black, reds).  Cholerics are associated with fire, summer and a predominance of “I” for an adult… (in a child, the astral body is said to predominate in this temperament).  Cholerics are people such as Napoleon (okay, he was a badly unchecked choleric), Nero, President Teddy Roosevelt, Donald Trump.   They are strong people who “DO” – the leaders of our times.  Some Waldorf teachers feel less of these cholerics are coming to us as we see less leaders and people wanting to step forth and lead during our times, as opposed to times such as World War II. 

At any rate, these fast, fiery, strong-willed and quick-tempered individuals are also very fair and associated with the mathematical process of division.  They can have great warmth and can be exceptional leaders.  They are also very hard workers and are very goal-oriented.

From a physical standpoint, cholerics can be short-statured, with shorter necks. They also  can be associated with  having health problems involving the heart.

The challenges of an individual with a choleric temperament includes being bossy or stubborn, quick-tempered and then regretful afterwards, not listening to others well.

SANGUINE:  (colors: yellows, the rainbow!)  Sanguines are associated with spring, air, sweetness, and a predominance of the astral body for the adult (for children, the etheric body predominates).  Sanguines are such people as President John F Kennedy and President Clinton.  They are full of life, they have lots of ideas, they are the social glue of a classroom,  the social  movers and the shakers  of society.  They notice everything, they respond to everything and move quickly from one thing to another. They are personable, light-hearted people. Sanguines are often associated with the mathematical process of addition.

Physically, they are often have balanced, graceful body types and are beautiful or handsome.   They can be drawn to smoking, and have health problems associated with the lungs.

The challenges of an individual with a sanguine temperament includes starting many projects but not finishing, being prone to social pressures, possibly one could see a teenager with this temperament being predominate that they would seek out inappropriate things in adolescence in order to ground them.  They can also be seen as shallow, superficial and fickle.

PHLEGMATIC:  (colors: greens and blues) Phlegmatics are associated with winter and water and a predominance of the etheric body (in children, the physical body predominates).  Phlegmatics are slow, steady people who love their physical comforts, order, repetition.  They have a hard time starting things, but once they get started, they become engaged and will stick with a project until it is completed.  They tend to be loyal, patient, dependable.  They can be deep thinkers that come up with great ideas. 

I always think of phlegmatics and digestion and inner bodily processes (due to being associated with water, like the tides going in and out and the inner rhythm of the etheric body.  Physically, there is often a softness to how a person with a predominantly phlegmatic temperament looks.  They tend toward obesity.  They can be prone to such health problems as gout and problems associated with the lymphatic system. 

The challenge of this temperament is to interest them in something besides comfort and food.   They can be rather lazy – or are they just taking it all in and thinking deeply?  Transitions can be a problem, for once they are started and caught up in something, they do not want to stop.  But most of all, the  phlegmatic individual can have a temper!  A temper that makes a choleric look like a kitten.  People who have a predominantly phlegmatic temperament are very patient indeed, but once they are angry – look out, because it all explodes.

MELANCHOLIC: (colors:  indigo, purples, violets)  Melancholics are associated with the fall and earth, along with the mathematical process of subtraction.  They have a predominant physical body, although in children one sees a predominance of the “I”.  A melancholic person is introspective, thoughtful.  They tend to be insightful people and take everything to heart and are often sad or despondent.  They can have a great capacity for sympathy and tend to be perceptive about other people’s pain.  They typically can articulate their thoughts and feelings well.

Physically, a melancholic is often tall and thin and can be prone to rheumatism and arthritis.  Due to their sensitivity, they often make good workers in the health care field.

The challenge of the melancholic is that they can become self-absorbed and feel their problems are like those that no one else in the world  has ever experienced.  They also can get lost in details and lose the big picture.  They can be prone to perfectionism.

In the next post, we will talk about some ways to work with each temperament effectively.

Many blessings,

Carrie