31 Days to the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Nine

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  building.  Read on for more…

So far, our words to help us on a journey to a calmer, more peaceful home include open, reconciliation, attentiveness, reverence, courage, love, relentless, and unity.  Today we are considering building.

Building is often defined in a dictionary as putting together or assembling a structure.  If  family is  thought of as a structure, a sheltering gesture for the protection of those within, how do we build that?  I think we must identify what is already positive within our family culture and find ways to draw attention to that so it can be repeated in different situations throughout life.  It is the building of something that seems perhaps intangible at first, qualities and character, but really turns into a tangible energetic reality within the home!

Sometimes this exercise seems so difficult for mothers.  If we are mired in negativity Continue reading

31 Days to the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Eight

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  unity.  Read on for more…

Unity is an important piece to having a calm family life.  In the olden days, family members depended upon one another for help, for companionship, for laughter.  In our era of nuclear families and often very fast-paced lives, we often need to make a conscious decision to think about what really unifies us.  After all, even if we are in a family, we are all separate individuals with different temperaments and personalities.

To me, one of the best ways to start thinking about family unity or to “re-set” family life is to re-connect with the unity your family members have through shared values, shared purpose, shared work.

I have written time and time again about crating a family mission statement.  This can be such an important exercise for families to tackle in this era of Continue reading

31 Days to the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Seven

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  relentless.  Read on for more…

If we truly want a no-yelling house, we have to be relentless in learning now to speak to each person in our family in kindness and love.

If we truly want a no-yelling house, we have to be relentless in not allowing sarcasm, put-downs, passive aggressiveness, threats, sarcasm and anger in ruling our household.

If we truly want a no-yelling house, we need to learn how to communicate.

Our children need to hear our parenting language change.  I wrote a post in 2010 regarding the need to hold boundaries in love by changing our parenting language: Continue reading

31 Days to the Rhythm of the Inner Heart: Day Six

 

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  love.  Read on for more…

 

It takes courage to create the family you want, and to create yourself as the parent you wish to be.  The main underpinning for all the actions is love:  the love of a parent for a child. 

I don’t know many parents who have children and plan to become disconnected from and angry with their children.  Yet, in a society that often encourages the separation of children from the family under the guise of socialization and independence, it often happens.  In a society that encourages tuning out and passive entertainment over real presence with real people, it often happens.  We are a society that seems to have forgotten what children and what childhood is all about.  We are a society that often celebrates the attachment of our children to other peers rather than an attachment to, and as part of, the family unit.

If you are struggling with anger towards your children, I am here to tell you that your love as a parent for your child is the way to reverse this.  It is the road that underlies increased patience and calmness.  If you can go and look at your children whilst they sleep and see how very small and innocent they truly are, if you can think of them in their best moments, if you can see where your love molds and shapes their hearts, you can do this.

You are being attentive through the use of an accountability partner and the use of a journal.  You are looking not only at times of stress, overwhelm, and anger, but when you are your best self with your children.

Now is time to move into laying the foundation of the family: love.  Author Ursula K. LeGuin once wrote:

Love doesn’t sit there like a stone

It has to be made like bread,

Remade all the time,

Made new

 

What are you doing anew each and every day to make love in your home?  Every child and every person has a different love language, but I can tell you that for most children their love language will include “quality time” as at least one of the languages.

 

Ideas for quality time:

Be outside together and play and be active

Teach your children how to do something, from how to  bake bread to tying shoes to how to fix things around the house

Cook together and eat meals together

Read a book together

Tell stories together

Create traditions for the day, week and year together

Take your children places

Snuggle together

Listen.  Let them talk and listen.

Play games together – play their games!

Roughhouse and play backyard sports together

Do arts and crafts and woodworking together

Take children with you on an errand to the farmer’s market, the dump, the home improvement store

Work as a family together

Share your spiritual traditions together

Take one child out to breakfast

Have a date once a week

Let the child choose how to spend time with you

 

Share your favorite ways to show love and unhurried time with your children in the comment box.  This is the best place to focus your attention this week, as love is the connection that leads to more love and  less anger.  It provides the well that you can tap into when anger threatens to rear its ugly head.  Love is the strongest power of all.

 

Many blessings,
Carrie

31 Days of the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Five

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  courage.  Read on for more…

Real change takes place not only when we acknowledge our challenges, our battles, our triumphs, but really take charge with our will and our actions.  It is not enough to talk about change, but we have to make change.  We must act.

I wrote this post a while ago, but I think it reflects this mood of determination and courage so perfectly that I would like to share it with you again: Continue reading

31 Days of the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Four

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  reverence.  Read on for more……

I think reverence is one of the keys to living a life that becomes attuned to the inner rhythm of the heart.  If we apply to reverence in the small ways in life, this blossoms into the bigger areas of parenting and simply crowds out yelling and screaming.

How can you set up your life to be reverent?

One of the first steps to this is to Continue reading

31 Days of the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Three

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  attentiveness.  Read on for more……

In our last post, I asked you to consider a partner in accountability if you deem that you are ready to change and focus on a household that does not include yelling.  Another thing I suggested is to keep a journal for five days, focusing on when yelling happens, what leads up to that event, what happens to make things feel settled again, and what the patterns are that you hold.

By this token,  we can only attempt to change that of that which we are aware.  Yet, we also need to provide attentiveness to the other part of this:  when we do something that is in line with how we really and truly want to parent.  Those moments are there as well. Continue reading

31 Days of the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Two

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  reconciliation.  Read on for more…… Continue reading

31 Days Of The Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day One

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, begins now.  Today is New Year’s Day, and in the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  open.  Read on for more…… Continue reading

New Year’s Thoughts

NINE REQUISITES FOR CONTENTED LIVING:
Health enough to make work a pleasure.
Wealth enough to support your needs.
Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them.
Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them.
Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished.
Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor.
Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others.
Faith enough to make real the things of God.
Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
~Goethe

I have a dear friend who shared this with the world on her Facebook page.  What a lovely sentiment.  And here is my New Year’s sentiments from 2009: Continue reading