Again, I feel the easiest place to start a consistent rhythm to the day is to begin with bedtimes and meal times. After these things are down and consistent, then work towards regular times to be outside daily and what practical work one does on what day of the week. Then one can work toward festival preparation for whatever festivals speak to you and your family.

A rhythm is not a scheduled noose around your neck but rather an idea of what occurs when and a way to keep a balance in your day of in-breath and out-breath.

Many wee people under the age of 7, because they are or should be living in their bodies, do not get nearly enough outside time. I would say four hours a day is not in the least too much for the under 7 child! This time is out-breath, but there should also be time to have quiet time, listen to a story or other in-breath activities within the day. There needs to be a balance for the small child who often is prone to excess in either wanting all out-breath or all in-breath activities. You may need to look at yourself and see what you tend to model as well! Do you display a good balance of in- and out -breath?

There are two other issues that frequently come up with the subject of rhythm. One is that the mothers themselves who have irregular rhythms and perhaps have childhoods that were devoid of rhythms have difficulty with the whole concept. They truly feel it is like the noose around their neck! Remember, a rhythm is not a schedule with times – it is a flow of the day, of the week and of the month.

So, I would say to those mothers is that a rhythm is adjustable, but also a great opportunity to work on YOURSELF. Can you get to bed at the same time every night? Try it for ten days and work on your own self-discipline! Then work on your morning routine, your meal times and the whole notion of quiet time. Baby steps!

The second issue that comes up is “How Do I Fit Everything In?” Well, here is the rub. You cannot do it all! I still find mothers of children under the age of 7 are planning too many things within their homeschool, and also too many outside activities.  Plan enough time and space in your day.  If you have three or four children under the age of five, your day will literally be meals, diapering/potty training/self care in the bathroom, preparing food and eating, outside time, sleep and rest.  The other things can wait.

Here are some brief notes about  running around outside the home, and things that take time, in no particular order:

• How can you simplify things?  Who can help you?  Can you run your errands for groceries once a week either on a weekend when your husband can keep the children? Or could you go at night after the children are asleep? Or could your husband do the grocery shopping? Can you have dry goods delivered to your door? Would a friend be willing to do part of your list at one store if you do part of their list at a different store if you feel you must go to two stores?
• What about health-related errands? Many folks have chiropractic or homeopathic appointments or allergy shots or something that has to occur weekly. How will you fit those in?  On this note, I have had several friends go through really discouraging health care crises this year without a  lot of support from their immediate family.  If you are in this position, who can you ask for help? How many hours a day does it honestly take to take care of yourself and where do the children fit into that?  It will change the rhythm of the day immeasurably.
• For those of you who are never home:  how many things are you personally involved in? And how many things are your children involved in? Because let’s face it, whatever your children are involved in are also your activities (on top of the activities you feel are really your own!)
• Do you have anything for yourself at all? I think this is important as well; something to call your own!
• What age do your children get to start activities in your family? Many mothers seem to sign their smaller children up for something because the older children are doing something. This is not a good reason to sign a four-year-old up for something! It may be better to say, “Yes Jimmy, and you will do something like that too when you are seven like your big brother!”  I have also written on this blog before about how a four-year-old, a five-year-old, etc can be very content with simple things as opposed to lots of outside “field trips”. They will get so much more out of excursions to places when they are over 7. When they are four, a whale shark at the aquarium may hold their interest for a few minutes and then the child down the aisle who has a piece of gum, the woman’s red sweater and the whale shark all register about the same on the Awe Scale. Think about it carefully and watch and observe your child.
• The caveat to all this is that children who are 7 and 8 years of age and older, while still needing protection from fatigue, DO need to start getting out and seeing some things. Every family will handle this need differently as they balance the needs of the younger children to be home, but it is worth thinking about too.  I see some homeschooling families where the older children are not involved in anything at all, whether this is due to finances or family preferences.  Our nine and ten year olds are interested in friends and activities.
• Where is the space for physical activity for the older children? Older children, especially those nine and up NEED to get their energy out.  If your children are having a hard time controlling their tongues, (!!), which I hear a  lot of complaining about from the parents of those children in the nine year change and beyond,  it may be an issue not just of needing real work and responsibility, but also needing to MOVE their bodies. They still need a lot of time outside, and whilst I know many homeschooling families shun sports, I have personally found it helpful for my ten and a half year old.  I think this depends upon the child, the coach/the sport – choose carefully, but do know that children tend to get more sedentary around the age of nine and ten (many of them want to sit and read, or draw, or sit some more)  and I feel sports with other children along with lots of playtime with other children is a perfect way to combat this.  That is just my opinion, and you may feel completely differently!

Again, there are many, many posts on this blog about rhythm and creating rhythm. Have a look under the rhythm tag in the tags box.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Every year I try to write a series of posts on planning and tackle each grade that I have been through so far.  I do this because each year as my children grow older and I do this longer, I have fresh insights. It also means I have gone down some paths more than once since I have multiple children.   It is interesting to go back and look under the “Homeschooling” tab on the header menu and see how my perspective has changed over time. 

At any rate, I wanted to write about Kindergarten today.  The heart of Kindergarten in a Waldorf School is daily rhythm, and the circle time. There recently was a whole series regarding rhythm on this blog, so I will leave you to put “rhythm” in the search engine box on this blog and review the posts that come up.  Rhythm is the most major component of not only homeschooling, but life.  Please do go back and look at that if it is an area you are trying to establish. 

Now on to the other component of many Waldorf kindergartens:  circle time.  The circle time in a school is a way of building a social community, a way of bringing the foundation blocks of  literacy and mathematical skills to the children, a way of bringing in movement and an awareness of the body.

At home, the circle time between you, your kindergarten aged child and the cat and dog may not be as effective as a circle time in a Waldorf School.  Some families have a circle time and it works well for them; some scatter verses and fingerplays throughout the day as they transition from one activity to the other.

My big point to you all is, though, that MOVEMENT needs to have a high place on your list for the kindergartener.  You will not have a classroom of 18 other children for your kindergartener to run around with at home, and what I am observing in many of the small children today (public, private or homeschooled!)  is that they are sedentary even at such a young age. 

Can your five or six year old ride a bike with no training wheels?  Climb a tree?  Swim? Gallop and skip? 

Make it a priority to get out into nature and cross logs, roll down hills in meadows, wade in rivers and streams, get dirty and play in the mud and the sand, walk barefoot on sand and pebbles, inhale the scent of the pines.   This is not only good for our sedentary children, but for those children who have a lot of nervous energy and chatter.

Give them movement through real work – helping with cooking, gardening, and baking.  Sing with them, love them, give them sound emotional and physical warmth.

I have written so many back posts about kindergarten and the early years, but I just wanted to give you a small taste of what was on my mind today.

Many blessings,

Carrie

Many times,  and I am finding this to be particularly true as a child moves into grades four and beyond, it can become difficult to outline this “exact plan” and stick to it.  For one thing, life always interrupts (well, that is at any grade), but I think with the children who are bit older things don’t always go down the same path that was outlined – you don’t always know what will go fast, what will provoke a beautiful rabbit trail, and what will go slow.  Development and learning is not a linear line that trends ever upward, but can be this dance of back and forth and sideways too.  The job of the teacher in these middle to upper grades I think becomes one of balance, gatekeeper in a sense as to what needs deepening now and when to know that this is a layer that will be deepened later.

One thing that always helps me is to think of the overlap and the custom touch.

Overlap:  Overlap, to me, means where the grades could overlap.  One could think of “Man and Animal” being in third grade by looking at  farming animals, the traditional thought of  “Man and Animal” in the fourth grade, and maybe extending more into ocean animals or something else in fifth or sixth grade.

Fairy tales are often thought of in conjunction with first grade, but I love Russian and Chinese or Japanese fairy tales for second grade.  Native American tales often are thought of perhaps in third grade in conjunction with a study of shelters or in fourth grade in conjunction with local geography, but I have also used Native American trickster tales for form drawing in second grade, and have used some Native American tales in conjunction with United States geography here at the tail end of fourth grade and into fifth grade.

I think overlap often comes too in the form of field trips; whether this be to natural sites, seasonal activities, or to see folks working in real occupations.  Seeing people doing real traditional craftsmen kind of work may be associated with third grade, but certainly there are many places this could be worked in in many different grades.

There is also, from what I am hearing from discussions of mothers with sixth through ninth graders, plenty of overlap, and chances to move different blocks around.  I always enjoy hearing from these mothers and talking to them.

The Custom Touch:  The customization comes from knowing your individual homeschool and your individual child.  Nature stories are part and parcel of first and second grade, but look at where you live and what your child is interested in and how you can bring this to them in an age-appropriate manner.  Nature blocks can be built around the ocean, the forest, the meadow.

The customization also comes from knowing where you are in the year. If it is the end of the year and your child is “done”, could you take a break?  End the year?  Switch blocks and start the new school year with the last block you skipped?  There are many options, but you can’t be afraid to jump off the pages of whatever curriculum you are using.  Again, school at home, home learning, looks much different than school.

To start planning for next year, I recommend going and looking at the tabs for each age under “Development” on the header of this blog. Knowing where your child is developmentally is really important and will help you put blocks in the best places for the school year.   Think about the overarching themes and goals particular to your child for this year.  Here are some examples in thoughts for planning:

Six year old Kindergarten Year:  Movement, movement and movement; the child as a social being and a spiritual being who lives within community, building up the lower four of the twelve senses, building up the ability to sit still for a story (or if they really are sedentary, how to get them to move!), artistic work, laying the foundation for attention and orderly thinking with projects that take more than one step, real work, seasonal work.

Grade One:  Movement, movement, movement.  The child as a social being.  To me, these two things in first grade even preclude learning the letters and numbers, which seem to be the things most people talk about in conjunction with first grade. I would rather  see you do “school” two or three days a week and focus on movement and social experiences if that is where your child is deficient.

Grade Two:  A deepening of grade one skills…such a wide variety of stories and things to pick from in this grade.  A really fun, fun, grade.

Grade Three:  More complex motor movement and games are needed; a strong focus on doing, on real work and seeing real people doing real work, how we live with authority, and how we hold authority over ourselves.  I think “facts”, especially those related to practical work:  cooking, gardening, handwork and building should hold a special place this year.  Grade Three can be a “melty” year for many children in the nine year change, so I think knowing this and being able to plan plenty of time and space is important.

Grade Four:  I like to think of this year as being past the nine year change and really seeing more of the “gray” in the world, how human beings are different than anything else on Earth, how we have the Divinity given to us by God within us and carry the capacity to rise up.  I think we see that in the Norse myths, and in the zoology block focusing on man and animal and the spiritual relationship between men and animals.  I think we also see this in the children, especially those who are ending the year aged ten and a half or so as they display a new steadiness, maturity and calmness perhaps not seen in previous years.

Yes, we are getting into facts.  Facts about animals, facts about geography, facts in graphing and in fractions, but always with the human being as the spiritual center of what we are learning, always with your religious beliefs as an anchor and form as well.

Think about how many days a year you need to school, those seasons and when you will take breaks, what you will need to do to prepare for festivals and plot out the year the best you can.  Then start plotting out your blocks.

Think about your day and how the needs of all family members needs to be met.  Your older children, yes, they are important, but it is not fair to make small children sit through two or three “main lesson” periods of their older siblings five days a week.  What is geared to the smallest members of your family?

Craft a beautiful rhythm that leaves no one behind.  Think about your work, your home, and what needs nurturing as well.

And always, homeschooling is not school; not Waldorf school or any other school.  Being outside in nature, walks, singing, festivals, your spiritual and religious life, reading aloud all snuggled on the couch are all parts of Waldorf homeschooling too.

I would love to hear where you all are in planning so far.

Love,

Carrie

These are not oil dispersion baths, which are typically prescribed by doctors trained in athroposophic medicine and used to overcome illness.  In the book, “You’re Not The Boss of Me!” there are several descriptions of the use of essential oil baths by a class teacher for children who were needed protection (ie, the bath as a balm to a very rushed and stressful family life), those needing softening (those children who are so logical who have really little inkling of childhood in them), and those needing protection because they are so very sensitive.  Essential oil baths promote the sense of warmth, and engage the physical body in warming.

Even though this is an article about mindful mothering, I am going to veer into preparing baths for children for a moment because I am certain there is interest in that here. Louise deForest writes in an article regarding children and essential oil baths in the book, “You’re Not The Boss Of Me!  Understanding the Six/Seven Transformation” on page 71:  “In the past, most illnesses were inflammatory in nature, illnesses having to do with warmth, while today, ninety percent of all illnesses are sclerotic in nature.  Even our body temperatures are slightly lower than in the past.  We see this cooling in many other ways too – children in nurseries and kindergartens are thin, pale, talkative and anxious.  Their lower senses are underdeveloped while their upper senses seem to predominate with cold logic and little social understanding.  The physical body is often listless or chaotic, there is little stamina and the will-to-do has not yet been developed.”

An essential oil bath for children could be one part essential oil to nine parts of a fatty oil such as olive oil, mixed in a jar.  Again, Louise deForest writes on page 71:  “I cannot prescribe, nor would I know how to ascertain, what is the exact oil for each child, as a doctor would with an oil dispersion bath.  Instead, I suggest they {the parents she is working with} use what is likely to be on hand:  olive oil for the fatty oil and a rose or lavender essence for the essential oil.  I choose olive oil because most people have it on hand and because it has a long history of service to humanity. The rose or lavender essences are often used for protection and warmth: just what children need today.”

So, you would want a warm bathroom,  and for children Louise deForest recommends suspending a thermometer in the bath and what temperature the bath should be depending upon if the child is having cardiovascular and nervous disorders or metabolic problems.  Draw the bath whilst you are in a quiet and contemplative mood, and then place the oil in a mason jar and fill jar one-quarter to one-half full with warm water and shake the jar for ten to fifteen minutes to suspend the oil in the water, and pour it into the water.  Several resources suggest potentiating the water by making a lemniscate shape in the water with your hands before the oil is added but not after.  The person should lie in the water up to their neck; a child would need a story told to them. There should be as little movement as possible and after the bath being wrapped up in a warm towel but not rubbed dry is important.

The first bath may be only three to five minutes and eventually working up to twenty minutes for children;  many adults will start with a twenty minute bath.  Doing a bath like this twice a week for six or seven weeks on the same day and at the same time is an important for the establishment for rhythm.

From the book, “Awakening Beauty The Dr. Hauschka Way”, there are five types of essential oils for adults (only one essential oil per bath) would include:

• Lavender:  relaxing, cools inflammatory conditions, soothes nerves.  Good for the hot summer season.
• Lemon Oil:  Good for those suffering from physical exhaustion.  Good for spring and summer seasons.
• Rosemary Oil:  Promotes circulation, warming.  Traditionally used for cooling conditions. Ideal in fall or winter or when beginning a day.
• Sage Oil:  Cleanses negativity, sadness, anger.
• Spruce Oil:  Ideal for later winter or early spring in combating congestion, emotions that need to be freed.

Looking forward to hearing the results of your healing baths!

Many blessings,

Carrie

First of all, what a very Waldorf perspective gives us (and I think reading biological studies of sleep in infants, children and those in primitive societies back this up as well!) is that a small child may be born without much rhythm to their sleep and wake cycles. We have to remember first of all, that there is a certain amount of wisdom of nature seen in the wakefulness of the small infant up through a year.  Studies have shown that breastfeeding babies at 10 months are receiving ONE-QUARTER of their calories at night! Many people say their babies who were less than a year old “self-weaned” in many cases did not truly self-wean, but were more at a developmental stage of being completely wrapped up in gross motor movement during the day and not as interested in nursing – and if they are sleeping through the night, that really cuts down on their calories! Remember, human milk is the number one source of calories throughout the entire first year if not LONGER! So I don’t want to shortchange that. I also don’t want to have a 2 to 5 month old baby who sleeps through the whole night when the risk of SIDS is highest.

However, there is something to be said regarding gently helping your child to establish sleep and wake cycles. A child who is very irregular and has no rhythm may really need your help in this area!  Rhythm and routine can be such a strong aid in sleep and rest.  Even after a nap is “gone” (and I daresay in the olden days children did nap for longer than they seem to today!), we can and should replace this  with quiet time for the children and ourselves. Especially with homeschooling, one needs this break! And children need to learn the value of being quiet without someone or something electronic entertaining them!

Here are some posts regarding sleep from an attachment parenting perspective: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/03/16/co-sleeping-and-nighttime-parenting/including parameters for safe co-sleeping and includes an interesting dialogue about what happens if co-sleeping doesn’t work for you!

And here are some posts from a Waldorf perspective:

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/12/bringing-rhythm-to-your-baby/

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/14/part-two-of-a-waldorf-inspired-view-of-sleep/

and here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/13/a-waldorf-inspired-view-of-sleep/

And about quiet time:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/23/more-about-quiet-time/  (lots of comments here to read!)

This is my personal favorite post about sleep:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/05/29/struggling-at-bedtime/

I would love to see a lot of dialogue on this topic; sleep becomes a crucial part of teaching with the Waldorf educational process within the two or three-day rhythm, it is important for homeschooling mothers and mothers of small children to have rest times….so these are important issues to think about early on!

Blessings,

Carrie

Okay, today I am less in encouraging mode and more in rant-y mode, so if you are not in the mood for a kick in the pants kind of post, do feel absolutely free to check back in tomorrow.  That’s the disclaimer.  And here it is, bluntly:

Folks, I want you all to stop researching, and start making some decisions and DOING.  If what you decide doesn’t work out the way you want, you can tweak things.  You can change your mind, if it is something to do with parenting or discipline.  If it is something to do with curriculum choices for homeschooling, you can jump off the pages and make it more your own, if it is a curriculum you bought -  bring it alive for your child (or re-sell the darn thing!)  Make a decision, stick to it and give it some time, and then tweak or change.  You can do this!  Get out of your own way!  Do what your heart is calling you to do, without fear!  I am less interested in why something WON’T work then how to MAKE it work.  Try it!

I am meeting more and more mothers lately who are so lovely and sweet but they seem so driven by pure and utter fear.  Fear of being judged of others.  Fear of “since I can’t do it 150 percent “right” –whatever that is- I won’t do it at all!”  Fear of failure.  Fear of making a commitment, even though they keep circling back around to the same things over and over.

If fear, negativity and anxiety are fueling you, no wonder you feel paralyzed in making decisions!!  The more you get used to doing a REASONABLE amount of looking at the issues and making a decision and moving forward, the more you will get used to ACTION.

Action takes practice.  It doesn’t always feel “safe”.  But everything in life has pros and cons, polarities.  There is no 100 percent failsafe.  Have courage, have joy, take action and move forward!  It only takes baby steps and dipping a toe in, not this headlong dive into perfection and dogmatic thinking – and that is whether it is homeschooling, positive discipline or attachment parenting.  Be proud of the small successes and keep moving forward.

Create an action plan for whatever challenge you are facing.  And part of your action plan should be to do something small for yourself everyday.  Some of the mothers I meet I think are partially paralyzed because there is nothing for them at all,  they are pouring everything into their children, and they are harried, hurried and worn-out. 

Help yourself out by taking on only what you can handle!  Are you rushing around every morning and afternoon and squishing homeschooling in around all that?  Where is your time for your action plan if you are not home?  I had a dear, dear friend say to me several weekends ago, ‘You know, Carrie, I cannot hear that still small voice of God, I cannot find and listen to my own intuition, if I am just rushing around.”

YES, dear sweet friend, YES. 

Take care of business first; discern what is essential, create an action plan, and each day do something small to help you reach your goal.  Start somewhere.  No one will fault you for being where you are, but now is the time to move forward!  Make decisions, take time to see how things work out, and then tweak or change.  But move forward, and quit swimming in circles over fear, judgment, negativity, semantics, or pressure. 

It is spring, there is new growth and change in the air, and  a perfect time to start getting ready for fall school!

There, was that so bad?

Love,

Carrie

Oh yes, please be sure to include form drawing, knitting, crafts for the season, harvesting.

Yes, you want to go through the math blocks.  Yes, you want to introduce the letters – but many parents I speak with have oldest or only LITTLE GIRLS who are already reading.  So I say, concentrate on the artistic end of drawing the letters.  Let them write a sentence for each letter and practice really good handwriting, if your little girl is bent that way.  You can start word families in the last block or so of first grade; sight words generally are better left until second and third grade unless your child has a prodigious memory and is already doing it.  Let your child read for pleasure, but you continue to read aloud to this child too.  Make music and sing!  Do chores and work around your home.

But please schedule time for the most fundamental skills of first grade:  movement and getting the child in his or her body, time out in nature, and social interaction with other children.  Does your child do well with only one other child?  What does your child do in a small group?  Are they good with children older or younger or not?  Do you have a community you do things with? 

Do plan lots of time to be outside in nature.  It would be well-worth your “school time” to drive to the woods or to the lake one morning AND one afternoon a week and just be.  Even if you do ‘formal school’ three mornings a week for an older or only first grader, especially one that is already reading, you will be fine.

It is tempting to go ahead and plan a crazy, very structured year.  I would go the other way.  Take days off to play in the snow or out in the rain.  Take time off for festivals! Festivals don’t go away in first grade!  Again,  especially in children like these little girls I often see, they often need the balancing of time in nature and often need help socially and emotionally to learn how to be a friend, how to relate to people, how to be a bit more steady.  And nearly almost ALL of the children I observe these days still need to help to “get into their bodies” in the first grade.

There are many beautiful things out there on people’s blogs for first grade, but please, please take time to just live.  Many veteran Waldorf teachers and veteran homeschooling parents would say you do not need a curriculum for first grade at all, but I had a friend remind last week that when one is walking this first journey for the first and possibly only time, curriculums give one a jumping off place.  In the schools, Waldorf teachers have the benefit of teacher training, and o, other faculty to talk to about how this journey goes.  We don’t always have that at home, and  I do feel in general comparing Waldorf school in a school environment and Waldorf homeschooling is like comparing apples and oranges.  So maybe that curriculum would be helpful to you, but just please don’t forget life. 

Many blessings and much love,

Carrie

I was practicing this technique the other night; a woman in my Foundation Studies class had drawn a gorgeous oak tree inside an acorn and I wanted to try to with this hatching technique. Mine didn’t turn out nearly as well as hers, but it made me think about how we all have a beautiful, bold, tall, strong tree inside of us…if we only take the time to nurture it.

I had been in the habit of doing yoga twice a day and intend to re-start this tonight.  I would love to hear what you are going to do this week to nurture yourself and take care of yourself.  Not only do you deserve to take care of yourself, but your family will appreciate it!

Many blessings, and Happy Mother’s Day to my American readers!

Carrie

I think the one valuable thing to consider in taking time for yourself is your physical health. If you are constantly feeling anxious, irritable and on edge, it may be worth it to see a healthcare practitioner regarding the evaluation of your endocrine system.  In the book “Mother Nurture:  A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships”, authors Rick Hanson, Jan Hanson and Ricki Pollycove write about testing the adrenals through saliva samples of DHEA and cortisol done over a 24 hour period.  They recommend as general measures for the health of the adrenal gland to reduce stress as much as possible (in Carrie’s words:  stop wearing so many hats!), eliminate sugar and caffeine,  try acupuncture and yoga, and look at supplements.  There are also certain herbs and homeopathic remedies recommended in this book for adrenal imbalance and adrenal exhaustion.

There are also psychological components that go into how we feel as mothers as well.  Please pat yourselves on the back for being a mindful mother. Some mothers have a hard time hearing they are “good” mothers; but please be open to hearing it! If you are not open to hearing this, what are you feeling so badly about? What has shaken your confidence so? Could anyone else be more possibly invested in your children than you and your spouse or partner? If you are reading this blog, I feel you are at least open to fostering or investigating possible positive changes in your mothering. Congratulate yourself for that! Congratulate yourself for searching for ways that may suit your family better for the long run from all the places you are seeking. Congratulate yourself for being mindful! Perfection is not a realistic goal, but being more mindful is.

I think a large part of taking time for ourselves in order to improve our mothering involves community.  The one thing I can suggest in addition to the suggestions made in the above posts is to find a mother who can mentor you.It doesn’t have to be an in-person relationship, although that can be wonderful. Maybe there is a mother from a Yahoo!Group or a forum you could contact off -list and see if she would be willing to provide her perspective on the things you are struggling with.  Perhaps there is someone in your local La Leche League group, your local Attachment Parenting Group or in your place of worship or other community place whose parenting you admire. Maybe you could ask them to meet with you, email with you or talk with you by phone. Some mothers use their mentoring relationship on a weekly or monthly basis.

And most of all, when your children are older and you are the wiser for the challenges you have faced and conquered, pass this wisdom on by becoming a mentor to a new mother. You have the ability to impact lives in ways you may never have dreamed possible!

I have several mothers who mentor me, and I am so very grateful for them. I wrote about a group of them here: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/02/the-brain-trust/and urge you to find and connect with mothers who can also help you.   All of the ladies in my “brain trust”  have different and wonderful personalities and I enjoy hearing their perspectives on things. They always make me think! I urge you to form these kinds of relationships that will carry you through the challenging times of parenting, and help you steer your parenting compass toward compassion and mindfulness.

Much love and many blessings,

Carrie

If you remember,  Part One of Day Four  was about marriage:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2012/04/06/day-four-part-one-twenty-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/   Tonight I grabbed some of my well-worn (and needing to be cleaned) block crayons and set to work depicting something one often hears about marriages: how marriages have seasons. 

Spring marriages are hopeful, excited, optimistic about the future, full of thankfulness!  So thankful and grateful I found you!  So excited about the possibilities for the future!  There may be disagreements swirling around like the spring winds, but they seem small and breezy with the sun always shining through.    Many couples would say “spring” describes a season of early marriage, the beginning with all its shiny newness and glory.

In my almost twenty years of marriage, I can honestly say there have been many spring seasons, not just one.  The hope of being together in love, in the creation of new opportunities and possibilities, the joy of the ever-changing landscape that is marriage has been there many times,  always prompting me to learn something new about my spouse and about us.  Spring starts to define who we want to be, who we are and what our marriage is about.

A summer marriage reaps the relaxed and contented fruits of spring. I envision summer as a time of comfortable positivity where the ebb and flow of conflict gets easily resolved in a laugh out in the sun.  It is a time when you know who you are, who your spouse is, what your marriage is about, and the mellow joy that comes from that knowledge. 

Sometimes after periods of spring and summer, we fall into periods of other emotions.  Fall is often that time of tension:  I can feel the winter coming, will we survive it?  Maybe it is a time of emotional distance, a time of not knowing how to shore up the marriage for the future and knowing something needs to be done. 

Winter often signifies a time of hardship for many couples.  This may be the season  when a marriage hits a silent wall of discouragement, anger, resentment, disconnection.  I think all marriages go through periods of fall and winter; sometimes counseling can be helpful. Sometimes, if you are able to open up the lines of communication together, the winter can be blown away and left behind as spring comes again in all its glory.

Thinking about marriage today and its inevitable seasonal changes as time passes,

Carrie