31 Days to the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Twenty

Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress.  In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you:  expectation .   Read on for more

As peaceful parents, I think we need to work within the realm of expectation.  We should expect that our homes will have their very realistic moments of upset or stress, but also that the majority of the time the children (and us!) will get along in love.  We are family, and family is about love and being connected.

Breathe that in for a moment.  It can be easy to lose sight of that, and yet, family is really about love.  It is about loving the depths of someone, child or adult, even in their darkest moments, and coming out together on the other side of that.  It is about open communication and respecting the dignity of all persons in the household.  It is about love and connection.

What do we do when family life is not meeting this expectation of love?  I think we need to look at our expectations -  are they realistic for where the children are or where our family is at this moment?

Some parents have written me and remarked that there seems to be a wide disparity of developmental expectations/behavior out on the Internet.  I can only comment on what I have found to be helpful – the Gesell Institute books (“Your One-Year-Old”, “Your Two-Year-Old”, etc) and website, and the perspective of development found in Waldorf education.

When we have expectations that are realistic in childhood development, we can then look at our role in this endeavor of connecting and guiding.  Are we trying to micromanage, so to speak, what is happening in our homes and in the lives of our children? Or are we not stepping in when we really need to be and then things are just blowing up?  The balance is oh so important.

Many blessings,

Carrie

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2 thoughts on “31 Days to the Inner Rhythm of the Heart: Day Twenty

  1. I think it is the balance that is the most difficult. It is constant work to reassess my expectations of each child – am I giving them enough space to grow and develop? Do I need to provide clarity on behavioural expectations? Do I need to step in and follow through because there have been poor choices? What are the priorities in this situation – a tidied-up bedroom or a peaceful home or arriving at school on time? Is your need to arrive at school on time more important than your brother’s need to manage his daily jobs? All these questions! Thanks for the post, Carrie, I am finding this series so thought-provoking.

  2. Carrie I want to thank you so much for bringing awareness to this super important issue. I have really been paying attention to myself, my parenting and, yes, my yelling in recent months. These posts have really helped me come to the conclusion that yelling is unacceptable and to search for the root causes of what was making it happen. I became really committed to figuring out what was going on there for me as a parent. I started tweaking some supplements I have been taking and discovered that when I went off the progesterone I had been supplementing with the anger I had been struggling with almost completely went away. I tried going back on the progesterone just to check, and the anger resurfaced. I wanted to share this experience in case there are any other mamas that this might help. I find that when I am struggling with anger it is almost never my child’s behavior, but always something going on within me.

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