Our 31 days to the inner rhythm of the heart, the root foundation of a house of peace, is in progress. In the vein of those who are setting a New Year’s intention with “one word”, I offer the word of today to you: ho-hum. Read on for more…
Many mothers tell me they have boundaries, but the children rail against the boundaries, and then they end up yelling or giving in. I am going to suggest to you that you are teaching your child how to guide him or herself; that is the ultimate goal of parenting. You are also setting the tone in your home for the foundation of developmental change. Parenting a teenager is much different than parenting a two-year –old (although some mothers have told me the teenaged years are the new two-year-old year!), but yet you are laying the foundation for the future in the early years.
Ho-hum, and learning to let go of your end of the rope, is such an important skill to learn. If you apply all the things we have talked about , and you are really spending time with your child and loving and connecting to your child with warmth (not just barking orders at them or yelling!), and you are consistent, fair and just with your boundaries, then the boundaries for the big things are there.
If there is a “fit”, then it is time to keep calm and carry on. Ho-hum, ho-hum. This requires you to be know that you are doing the right thing in leading your child.
For small children, try the tips here in this post: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/12/more-about-time-in-for-tinies/
Always, always, consider sleep, rest, warming foods, food allergies, the possibility of children getting sick as possible reasons for things not going well. Rhythm and connection with love are your strongest allies for guiding at this age.
For older children, past the nine year change, please look and see: how many times a day are you smiling at this child? How many times a day do you pat them on the back, hug them, give them a kiss (if they will let you!), and generally shower them with love and connection? Do you spend any one on one time with them away from younger siblings? If setting a boundary leads to a large, disruptive temper tantrum, then you really need your ho-hum. Being ugly at home means the ugly has to stay home and we cannot take it out in the world to see friends or go to activities. Being ugly might mean the child needs to do some extra work for the benefit of the family since the entire family was disrupted. But, please, make sure the boundaries you are setting are for the big things, not the small and petty things. Please make sure you are respectful, because an older child will call you out on that every time. And please make sure that basis of love and connection is there.
For back posts that will help, try the posts by age. The ten to twelve year old does have posts on this blog. If it doesn’t come up in under the “Development” header, just type eleven or twelve year old into the search engine and see what comes up.
For back posts about ho-hum, authority, and being calm, try these:
Keep calm and carry on, with a smile! Be the sun in your home and radiate your love and stability for the children as you guide them,