An Oldie But A Goodie: Five Things Every Parent Needs

This is an older post that I found and thought it was worthy enough to re-print for all my new readers.  So here is my oldie but goodie post of the week!

These are five things every parent needs to have right now; these are the keys to parenting!

Compassionate Connection :  Connection is the number one tool to parenting and to discipline, to that guiding of a child throughout these years at home.  You get it by choosing to connect with your child, by  choosing to view you and your child as being on the same team instead of being against each other.  You get it by choosing to love your child as you guide them over the bumps of life and development instead of being mad at them for being immature and making mistakes, which is what small children are and what small children do.

Kindness :  Kindness in the home is of utmost importance.  Your small child is watching everything you do and say and how you treat other people, including how you treat yourself.  Do you have boundaries for how other adults treat you?  Your children are watching this!  Boundaries is a part of being kind to yourself and to others.

How do you promote kindness in your home?  How do you model forgiveness for yourself for being human?  Try this one for ideas:   http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/03/kindness-in-your-home/

Gentleness:  Your child always deserves to have gentle hands.  If you cannot be gentle with them, you must take a parent time-out.  You can set a boundary, stick to a boundary, and still be gentle and loving.  It is possible!  You can parent peacefully!   See here for one of the many posts about this on this blog:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/05/an-emergency-how-to-how-to-parent-peacefully-with-children-under-age-9/

and here:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/08/17/raising-peaceful-children/

Patience:  Many parents will ruefully sigh and say, “I am not patient enough with my child.”  I agree it is important to have patience regarding the day to day and minute to minute interactions with your child; I have many posts about that,  but the kind of patience I am really talking about right now  is being patient with the process of DEVELOPMENT. This means not rushing a child out of childhood, and being willing to set boundaries to preserve that child’s innocence in early childhood and in the grades of school as well.     Understanding developmental stages and having realistic expectations for each age is vital.  There are many posts on this blog about this, all the developmental stages are currently covered from the age of twelve months through age nine.  There are also many posts regarding  babies under the “Baby and Toddler” header.  Here is one post regarding patience for your reading pleasure:

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/10/15/the-power-of-patience-day-number-18-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-parent/

Maturity:  Having a baby and a small child in the home SHOULD cause a change in your lifestyle.  Please do not use the fact you are breastfeeding and can carry your child in a  sling as an excuse to drag your child to all kinds of adult places with no rhythm in sight.  Why should your toddler  behave while you have coffee with a friend?  Why should your small baby sleep through the night when biologically they are not there yet?  Why should your toddler or younger preschooler willingly separate from you when they consider themselves to be a part of you?    Have the maturity to know that this is a season, this too shall pass, and that these early years of childhood are remarkably short.

A Positive Attitude! I have written about this repeatedly.  Here are a few back posts for your reading pleasure: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/09/19/day-number-three-of-20-days-toward-being-a-more-mindful-mother/

and here:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/17/the-power-of-being-a-positive-mother/

Simple parenting entails just these five steps to start.  A great beginning!!

Many blessings,

Carrie

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5 thoughts on “An Oldie But A Goodie: Five Things Every Parent Needs

  1. What a lovely reminder of the things every parent needs! I truly appreciate your thoughtful posts. They have helped me reshape the way I parent. Big hugs from across town. :)

  2. I just wanted to say that I see nothing wrong with taking my toddler or infant with me to see a friend! I’m pretty sure you just meant that you should have a strong home rhythm and you shouldn’t get annoyed/angry/punitive when your child ‘acts up’ when you’re out with a friend somewhere. (And, you should be prepared to leave early if you need to or go somewhere quiet for your and your child’s well being.) The tone sounds more like you should never go out with your kids.

    And then, you say how painful separation is, so the message is never go anywhere.

    I sure hope you meant just be willing to accept your child’s difficult behavior if you take them in public places? We have a nice home rhythm, but I also enjoy taking my toddler out with me into the ‘adult’ (aka ‘real’) world for brief outings. These outings are somewhat part of our rhythm, but they can’t always be that way. He is gratified by the attention he gets and he is beginning to understand that he is not the entire center of my world. It is also healthy and normal for other adults to accept children, even young children, as a normal part of life.

    I think it’s confusing for kids to think their parents have nothing to do be play with their child and clean. I think you’ve given that message elsewhere-it’s important for your children to see you do real work. I think it’s important for your children to see your real relationships too. I thought it was important to mention on this post as well.

    I’ve been enjoying reading through your blog. Thank you for all of your thoughtful words!

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