At almost four, children do care about others, but really cannot put themselves in someone else’s shoes yet. That skill develops at its height around the nine year change. I think your husband handled it well by not using too many words and just staying the course of trying to get dressed, but of course if he needs a break because he is being hurt (a boundary, not hurting others), than he could have tried distraction through a story or other imaginative pictures. “Let me tell you a little story about a bunny I know who did not want to get dressed…” sometimes can be just the trick to get through things.

Giving a child choices at this age can be very difficult. THey often don’t care about the consequences well at the age of almost four, often cannot predict what the outcome of their actions will be (ie, not wanting to brush their teeth doesn’t mean they are choosing to get cavities at this age, you know?)….So, I am all for boundaries, especially when it comes to hurting ourselves or others through words or actions, but I dont think give him choices about doing this or else this will happen because I think almost four is a little young for that. You hold the space through the rhythm, through your calm actions, through not so many words, and know in your heart things like, yes, this child has got to get off to bed NOW! LOL.

With almost four year olds, look carefully at rhythm – he may very well need four to six hours outside a day, what work is he engaged with around the house, what is he engaged with with his hands – baking, wet felting, polishing things, scrubbing, – all come to mind. How is his diet and sleep? Here is a post that may help you look at rhythms in the home: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/13/waldorf-in-the-home-with-the-three-and-four-year-old/ and I also recommend all the four year posts under the DEVELOPMENT tab. This post might also be helpful: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/04/16/strong-willed-at-three-and-four-years-of-age/ and this one: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2011/02/13/how-to-best-support-your-childs-development-ages-3-5/

Hope that is a helpful spot, you are doing a great job and I think this is just an age where parenting is really shifting around as our child develops more fully.
Love,
Carrie

Many blessings,
Carrie

Of course, Gesell speaks of developmental age. Children don’t necessarily go thought these phases “on time,” but in their own time. For some children, these phases are a blip on the radar,
and for others the stages of disequilibrium are long and intense. It’s important to remember that children are constantly striving, and not acting in “negative” ways on purpose! The more insecure a child feels, the more rigid is the behavior he or she exhibits. The child is trying to be in control
when he or she feels out of control. It’s important to see the innocence of their thoughts and actions. It’s also important to set limits that need to be set, but limits can be set in both firm and consistent, and respectful and loving ways.

Parents just need to know that there is nothing wrong with their children, and nothing wrong with them! It’s important to support children through these stages. When children are exhibiting trying behavior, and seem unlovable, that is when they need to most love.

I just had to smile reading this tonight. My almost 15 months old is behaving like an 18 month old. With my oldest I have also found the strecth from 15-21 months the most difficult (I put it down to pre-verbal frustration).
Likely the oldest have just turned 3 and boy have we observed a change. He is an absolute delight to be with, most of the time.
Hopefully baby will be through her age of disequilibrium before he turns 3 1/2. Haha