Dads Out There?

Most of what I write is geared toward  mothers, but I am becoming aware of a number of fathers who also come to this space!  Hello to all the fathers out there!  I appreciate you being here!

At the end of last night’s show (see www.thewaldorfconnection.com), a Dad called in asking how to make use of the limited weekday time with the under-7 child.

Families do things all different ways; I have seen families push back bedtimes so the children can play with Dad, have a snack with Dad, etc before bed.  Some children do wonderfully with this and some children go waaaaay off the deep end with this end and the night ends with tears and do better with Dad parenting them to sleep – walking a small child around, singing to their child, back rubs, massages, telling wonderful stories.

I have harped on this time and time again:  you are creating your family culture together.  Parenting is in the doing!  Mothers, give up control and parent together.  You love this man enough to marry him, to have children with him, he is the parent as well!    Mothers  will wail to me,  “But he doesn’t do it the way I do it!”  Uh, yes, isn’t that the point?  There is a place for mothering and fathering and we are thrilled to have both! 

Children need to have their fathers; fathers bring so many wonderful things to the table for children.  I will write more about this in the future, but in the meantime, here are some back posts to read and ponder:

An old favorite: http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/01/23/the-necessity-of-mothering-and-fathering/

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/07/27/more-on-marriage-how-do-you-work-with-the-differences/

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/18/fathers-and-daughters-part-one/                                                             http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/05/20/fathers-and-daughters-part-two/

Dads and homeschooling:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2008/12/15/a-letter-to-all-those-dads-undecided-about-homeschooling/

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/01/20/dads-waldorf-homeschooling-and-parenting/

http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/12/23/when-both-parents-need-a-break/

Love and respect:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2010/02/06/simple-february-love-for-your-partner/

Dads might be interested in this:  http://theparentingpassageway.com/2009/06/30/rite-of-passage-parenting-four-essential-experiences-to-equip-your-kids-for-life-heading-up-to-the-nine-year-change-and-beyond/

Just to keep you busy!

Blessings,

Carrie

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6 thoughts on “Dads Out There?

  1. I just forwarded this to my husband- so glad it was brought up! I too often find myself getting frustrated with my husband’s parenting styles, since they don’t match my own, but have been trying hard to allow him his time & his style. It’s just when we try to work together that we need to be on the same page, and that’s what we need to work on still.

    Thanks, Carrie!

    Kerrie

  2. Carrie,

    This was a wonderful questions and I was pondering while you were talking..My girls have such a wonderful connection with my husband. And you are right, they do parent in a different way.. the rough-housing, they play cards, and do different things than I do with them. It is about balance and also, they received what they need from both of us. :)

  3. Hi Carrie,
    First I want to thank you for this blog; I find it such a help in what is a rough phase (I hope) with my just 5 year old and almost 4 year old.
    This isn’t really a comment either, and not directly related to this post, so forgive me.
    I am having a trying time with my 5 year old girl (and she with me)…my husband (an ex-waldorf teacher) and I have read just a bit about Steiner’s curative types for children and are thinking our daughter my fall into the “thin-skinned” type…she also has quite a bit of “sulphur” (red hair, fair skin, lighting up like a little flame). On the one hand she is very easily upset…hyper-sensitive to little things, cries very easily and for long periods of time, and when she is upset she gets hopeless and destructive (her toys, her home, herself), screeching and thrashing. She also has lots of musings on “what if” that involve her being hurt, lost, etc…
    On the other hand, when she is not upset, she is glowingly sweet, role-playing the loving mother/sister/etc…and very helpful, generous, polite. She is very heady and clever, but also very capable and coordinated in her body.
    As soon as something, anything (usually ME, a transition in the day, or some trouble she is having doing something new) comes along (and thwarts her will), she falls apart. We have a strong daily rhythm, but daily she resists and struggles through transitions. I am having a really hard time keeping my patience and warmth with her….altho’ I sense that this is exactly what she needs…a holding and acceptance somehow of her boiling.
    I’m just wondering if you have any insights into this type of behavior or any suggestions for me. I just feel worn down by it and it’s hard to meet her in a loving way over and over. My husband doensn’t seem to have nearly the trouble with her that I do. He spends less and different kinds of time with her…but his flexibility and humor and imaginative gifts also help.
    I’m sorry this goes on and on. Thanks for listening!
    Yours,
    Dana

  4. I just finished Round 1 of last night’s presentation (pterobaby was shrieking through much of it) and after hearing the last question/answer/reading the above, I agree- getting my son wound-up seems to be my husband’s job, sometimes it helps wear him out, sometimes it backfires. We tried a (randomly selected) story last night and he cut it off near the end because our son was too wound-up. Not the way I would have transitioned- cold-turkey- but I didn’t want to argue about it just then. Of course, it also meant trying to nurse him to sleep with him wound-up/overtired. At 7.5 months, we’re still learning and experimenting, I just don’t want it to be at our son’s expense. :)

    Kerrie

  5. Great ideas,thank you! Like you said on your early years show about when Dads get home-the children can be so excited that Dad can’t even rest a minute!When my husband has to work late(after dinner)to show our daughter that Dad has had a tiring day without actually saying it,we place the hot water bottle in between his folded sweats and set up a warm foot bath(in a vintage enamel tub)with essential oil in the cold weather. This might sound a little “Leave it to Beaver” but it works for our family!

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